Letter: ‘Goodbye, Mill Valley.”

‘Self-assuming assholes’

Goodbye, Mill Valley. I’ll miss you. There was a time when you were a community of genuinely wonderful souls. Brilliant, creative, hip, artistic, musical, genuinely nice and caring people. It was a town of unassuming authors, world-renowned musicians and actors who had no problem walking amongst fellow townsfolk, a town with a keysmith and a family-owned hardware store and even the very best record store in the country.

They were the people and those were the times that created the paradise Joni Mitchell warned us about turning into a parking lot.

We didn’t listen. And we now have a community of hurried, self-assuming assholes. Mill Valley is now officially a parking lot and it is only going to get worse.

Capitalism unchecked is like runaway cancer and it appears our elected officials either didn’t see it coming or hopped on the money train. Perhaps it is time for a good old-fashioned tar and feathering. I would suggest jail time and heavy fines, but our clueless courts would just laugh it off. Their wealthy constituents are owned by sociopathic developers, those ruthless bastards who do not live here and don’t give a goddamn about traffic problems. They are the ones who must be held accountable. Pathetically, that will never happen.
If it does, I’ll bring the feathers. Good riddance, Mill Valley.

Disgustedly yours, John Cross, Marin County

Feature 1: Divine crush

by Tanya Henry

Given Marin County’s reputation for being ahead of the curve when it comes to matters of sustainability, it’s not surprising that several local food manufacturers are creating food and beverage items that utilize the by product of a billion dollar industry.

According to the Wine Institute, an advocacy and public policy association for California wine, more than 200 million cases of wine were shipped in the U.S in 2013, with an estimated value of $231 billion. Of the 615,000 acres of wine grapes grown in California, more than 500,000 are grown right here in the premium Sonoma and Napa Valley wine regions. The California Department of Agriculture includes wine in the top three exports after almonds and dairy, with a staggering $5.6 billion in sales.

During the fall months in wine country when “crush” is in full swing, truckloads of pomace, or the stems, seeds and grape skins pressed dry of their juice are a common sight on the roads. Along with the millions of cases of wines produced, come pounds of waste. For every two bottles of wine created, one bottle of byproduct is left over. Though many wineries practice composting, some sell the pomace to distilleries for grappa, a brandy of Italian origin. Others feed it to their own livestock—but most often it is simply thrown away.

“We are helping diminish the carbon footprint of the wine industry, one delicious Crush Bar at a time,” says Karen Schuler Hill who began making her line of energy bars from gluten-free grapeseed flours in 2011. Hill’s Tiburon-based company, D’Vine Crush, features a line of four fruit and nut bars. She explains that each flavor is created to mirror the notes of a particular wine varietal. By utilizing flours made from grape seeds and skins from specific varietals, and complementing each flavor with carefully selected nuts and fruits, she showcases these well-known and loved wine flavors. For example, her Corkscrew Cherry Pinot includes cherries, currants and strawberries, along with grapeseed flour produced from Pinot grapes; likewise Toasted Barrel Chardonnay features flour made from chardonnay grapeseeds with the addition of pineapple and caramel to help elicit vanilla and buttery notes. Hill’s handmade bars, and a recently launched line of Crush Crumbles made for topping yogurt and ice cream, are naturally gluten-free and made with locally sourced ingredients. Learn where to find these tasty wine-flavored treats at dvinecrush.com.

Another local company that aims to make use of the copious grape waste at wineries is The Republic of Tea. This enterprising Novato-based tea company partnered with WholeVine, an organization committed to generating new uses for vineyard byproducts, and together they rolled out their new line of Sonoma teas made from wine grape skins. In April, the beverage company debuted four “tea” flavors—chardonnay, rosé, cabernet and zinfandel. However, somewhat confusingly, none of the pretty round tins of six large tea bags have a single tea leaf between them—only grape skins, fruit bits and flavorings. Three of the four flavors are intended to be served as iced tea, and are uniquely ideal for warm-weather sipping. Pineapples and peaches augment the chardonnay iced tea, oranges and currants are infused in the cabernet version and a summery rosé (my favorite) offers up notes of apple and strawberries. The only flavor meant to be enjoyed hot is the mulled zinfandel flavor that boasts hints of hazelnut, chocolate and gingerbread. Look for these inventive teas in local Marin stores and on their website at republicoftea.com.

Finally, husband-and-wife team Valentin and Nanette Humer, purveyors of Salute Santé! grapeseed oils and flours in Napa are true pioneers in the field. For 20 years the couple has been spreading the gospel of the health benefits of their pure grapeseed oil and its high antioxidant levels, exceptional finishing properties and high smoke point. Considered a “secret” ingredient by some celebrity chefs, herb-infused oils have been added to the mix by the couple, and include organic basil, chili, lemon, roasted garlic and rosemary. All of the oils are produced with the company’s proprietary pressing machine that compresses the grape seeds while leaving behind long strands of the residual secondary byproduct. This is then collected and ingeniously milled into flour, thus creating both an oil and flour from the discarded seeds. And as if that isn’t impressive enough, both products are quite tasty. The infused oils boast the essence of the added herbs and the flour has a toothsome quality to it that makes it a good choice for cookies and breads. To find out more about these grapeseed delectables, visit grapeseedoil.com.

With more and more awareness around our food systems, it’s encouraging to know that there are forward-thinking, resourceful companies like these. Transforming something as unappetizing as grape stems, seeds and skins into chewy bars, delicate oils and refreshing teas seems nothing short of a miracle to me. So, the next time we enjoy a glass of wine, let’s toast these enterprising folks who are literally making delicious food and drink—from wine. Cheers!

Share your hunger pains with Tanya at th****@********un.com.

Horoscope: What’s Your Sign?

by Leona Moon

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) The price is finally right on May 11, Aries! It looks like overindulgence may have been your middle name last month. It happens: Those Mr. Sketch scented markers from your third grade class are tempting. And who could fight off a one-of-a-kind vintage Lisa Frank backpack? Apparently, not you. Watch your budget this month.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Start fresh, Taurus! The new moon is quickly approaching. Set up time this week to bid adieu to comrades who seem to suck your soul. Remember that whatever (or whoever) you decide to keep around will follow you into the new moon cycle starting next week. Get practical and make a list of pros and cons.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) If you believe, you can achieve, Gemini! You’re eager for a promotion—it’s written all over your face (and the last email you sent to your boss). Everyone knows that the best way to woo your CEO is to tell him that his baby is cute. Its ears may stick out; it may have vomited while you were holding it, but for goodness sake—suck it up; it’s the quickest way.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Feeling like your life is an advertisement for Mattress Discounters, Cancer? Before you get swept up in the California king-sized, NASA-approved foam-top mattress, drink a cup of coffee. If the regular cup o’ Joe isn’t doing it for you, you might need to take it to the next level (Red Bull, cough, cough). You’re going to sleep through your alarm on May 8.

LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22) Did someone say promotion, Leo? Well, they did, but clearly you were stuck at “raise.” Money is headed your way, but don’t let your ego inflate too fast. You’re doing well, and it merits a financial reward. But no one needs to hear you roar about it all throughout the office.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) Quit being so picky and swipe right, Virgo! Love actually isn’t in the air, but flirting is. Start working out that thumb early—you’re going to be swiping at the speed of light on May 10. A little flirting goes a long way, and is actually more entertaining than cleaning ice cream stains off of your couch while you watch Grey’s Anatomy.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) Feeling a little unusually emotional, Libra? Get over it—you’re human, too, airy one! Mars is burning through your house of intimacy and emotions on May 11. While you might be more comfortable taking a brick wall out to dinner, people are good listeners, too. Open up already!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) Wondering when you’d finally be able to bankroll from that “As Seen on TV” idea you pitched a few years back, Scorpio? It’s all coming together on May 8—all of your big ideas will start to show signs of life. If the “Better Marriage Blanket”—a blanket designed to hide flatulent-based smells—can make it big, so can literally anything you’ve dreamed up.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Is it steamy in here or did you just shower, Sagittarius? Things are heating up, oh fiery one! We’re talking more than a Tinder tryst here—this is a full-blown ode to the Spice Girls’ “2 Become 1.” You’re about to find your soul mate and divulge every little detail you never thought possible with ease.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Quit focusing on the end game, Capricorn! Coupling up doesn’t mean that you have to negotiate graveyard plots just yet. There’s no doubt that you’ve found a special spark, so enjoy the now—or realistically, enjoy the time together when you still think sweet thoughts while picking up his or her dirty socks and old beer bottles off the floor. Ah, young love.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Couple’s therapy does the soul good, Aquarius! There’s no better way to sort out problems than to convince a therapist to side with you and gang up on your significant other. But, really, you two lovebirds are doing great! Whatever methods you’ve taken recently to sort out speed bumps—it’s made a huge difference. What’s that you hear in the distance? Most likely wedding bells.

PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) Is your home looking like a page out of a 2003 IKEA catalog, Pisces? It’s time for some upgrades. No one likes a rocking chair that literally might rock you over the edge of your patio. Take the time to invest in some key pieces that will only add to the positive feng shui in your home.

Video: Deeper waters

by Richard Gould

When its strange backstory and connection to a celebrity writer-director become old news, ROSEWATER will still be on shelves as a political thriller of a very high order, and I’m shocked that director Jon Stewart had it in him. What distinguishes the story from other fine films of its ilk—say Argo, or the suspensers of Costa-Gavras—is a single, weightless fleck of irony that first gets Newsweek’s Iran stringer Maziar Bahari (played by Gael Garcia Bernal) 118 days of prison, beatings and interrogations right after the country’s botched 2009 election. A visiting “correspondent” (comedian Jason Jones as himself, doing the bit he did) conducts an interview with Bahari in Tehran, describing himself in passing as an American spy. The segment’s airing on The Daily Show doesn’t translate well for the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, already jittery following a stolen election and Bahari’s alarming footage of the ensuing riots—and they bring a brutal detention down on the London-based journo, convinced that he’s an enemy agent. All a blindfolded Bahari can be sure of is that the silken-voiced questioner behind him (Kim Bodnia), who’s as likely to club him off his chair or mock-execute him as serve lemon cucumbers and coffee, knows his trade well—and wears the scent of rosewater. The film can be seen as a favor returned, and Stewart has said as much, but the director takes the opportunity to steer deeper waters—keenly ambivalent of modern news gatherers like ourselves, who wade into a national tragedy to cut brutal posers down to size. Turns out that there’s a class element in the bargain.

Hero and Zero: An anonymous good samaritan and a closure of history

by Nikki Silverstein

HERO: Claire Devine, a realtor in San Rafael, stopped at Bordenave’s bakery and the San Rafael Animal Hospital and then headed to Sacramento on a recent Saturday. When she arrived at her destination, she realized there her wallet, which contained cash, credit cards, a driver’s license and even her social security card, was gone. Bordenave’s didn’t have it and neither did the vet. Claire figured she’d never see it again. Surprise. On Monday, a San Rafael policeman knocked on her door and handed her the wallet, with everything intact. The person who found the wallet asked to remain anonymous. Well, Anon, Claire sends her heartfelt thanks. Let’s also give a nod to the San Rafael PD. Who knew that they made house calls to return lost items?

ZERO: We were saddened to learn that the Marin History Museum, after 80 years, is calling it quits at the end of the summer, due to lack of funding. Come fall, where will we see the fascinating Marin relics that were on display at the Boyd Gate House in San Rafael? Hard to know, since the museum has been quietly auctioning off pieces of Marin’s history. Board members insist that they have the right to sell non-donor restricted items. We bet that the generous folks that donated the items might not be too happy that their Marin artifacts have left the County and gone to the highest bidder. We find the museum board’s behavior to be absolutely disgraceful. We suggest that they pay to bring the items home.

Got a Hero or a Zero? Please send submissions to ni***************@***oo.com.

Upfront: Shelter from the storm

by Peter Seidman

Around the same time that a new report was released, stating that the Ross Valley should prepare for severe storms and flooding, a group of San Anselmo residents started circulating a petition to block a plan calling for a flood control basin in a favorite town park.

The report, titled Surviving the Storm, looks at the potential for climate-change-related flooding throughout the Bay Area. A section of the report focuses on the Ross Valley. The watershed that drains the valley, “has been one of the highest FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) damage claims locations in Northern California,” states the report, which was compiled by the Bay Area Council Economic Institute. “San Anselmo ranks seventh among all communities in California for National Flood Insurance Program claims, and the town of Ross ranks tenth. Since the federal program was started in 1968, San Anselmo residents have filed 255 claims totaling nearly $11.3 million in flood losses, and Ross residents have filed 237 claims totaling about $9.6 million in flood losses.”

That’s nothing that residents of the Ross Valley don’t know, at least in broad terms. They live with the constant threat of floodwater racing down the valley, inundating homes and businesses.

Floods have caused widespread damage on a regular basis. In a grant application to the state to help fund flood mitigation measures and craft a flood prevention program, San Anselmo submitted a set of daunting facts to the California Department of Water Resources: “Since 1951, flood flows have been recorded in calendar years 1951, 1958, 1967, 1969, 1970, 1982, 1983, 1986, 1994, 2005 and 2012. Of these, the two most severe floods occurred in 1982 and 2005.” The 1982 event made national headlines with pictures of floodwater and damage in San Anselmo, San Rafael and elsewhere as water caused extensive damage and reached near the tops of street signs. The 2005 flood also caused substantial damage.

It was after the 2005 event that many residents of the Ross Valley decided enough was enough and joined a move to create and raise funds for a Ross Valley flood protection project. The move resulted in a controversial 2007 ballot measure that called for a flood protection fee. Opponents claimed that imposing a flood control fee was an undue burden, an example of government overreach.

But it was the sign-the-ballot method of voting that ended up in court. That method of voting failed to ensure secrecy, said San Anselmo Town Councilman Ford Greene. He filed suit to invalidate the ballot measure. The case landed in the First District Court of Appeal, where a three-judge panel rejected the Ross Valley flood control district fee vote. The case then went to the California Supreme Court, where justices rejected the court of appeal decision and allowed the flood control plan—and the fee—to proceed. The split between the two courts was an example of the endemic dissension surrounding the flood control plan in the Ross Valley, which won voter approval by just a small margin.

The state Supreme Court decision allowed the Marin County Flood Control & Water Conservation District to assess an annual fee in the Ross Valley’s Zone 9 flood control area, which covers Fairfax, Ross, Kentfield, Corte Madera, Larkspur and San Anselmo. The fee was designed to average $125 and raise about $2.2 million a year for 20 years.

Money the fee generates goes to help fund the Ross Valley Flood Protection and Watershed Program. The protection program calls for creating four detention basins that can hold water during a flood. When rain subsides, water in the basins can be released in a controlled flow, which can prevent, or at least minimize, the kind of flood damage that downtown San Anselmo has suffered continually. The detention basins in the plan—as it was initially delineated—were located at Loma Alta, on county open space land; Lefty Gomez Field in the Ross Valley School District; Red Hill Park in San Anselmo; and Memorial Park, located west of the Red Hill Shopping Center off of Sir Francis Drake Boulevard. The flood protection project also included major upgrades to Phoenix Lake, one of the Marin Municipal Water District’s reservoirs.

The proposal to use Memorial Park in San Anselmo as a detention basin drove a wedge into the community. Opponents of the option said that transforming the park into a detention basin would destroy a recreational asset beloved by neighbors and other residents in the town. They also said that the project would reduce property values during construction, cause unacceptable traffic congestion and leave the town with a generic-looking park rather than a homegrown community asset. Proponents of the idea, however, say that using the park as a detention basin could result in a project that would improve the park.

According to the website Just Playgrounds, “San Anselmo Memorial Park, also know as Millennium Park, is a testament [to] what can happen when a community pulls itself together for a good cause.” A playground in the park was rather run-down in 2000, when members of the community worked to breathe new life into it.

That emotional and physical investment explains at least one part of the staunch opposition to transforming the park into a detention basin to temporarily hold floodwater.

According to the grant application that the town sent to the state, “The park floor will be excavated and lowered by an average of 10 feet below existing grade.” A gate will control the flow of water in Sorich Creek, which runs along the park. Sorich Creek runs into San Anselmo Creek, which eventually becomes Corte Madera Creek. When a flood is imminent, public works personnel will close a floodgate and divert water from Sorich Creek. The water will flood Memorial Park, where it can be held until it is safe to allow controlled flow downstream. According to the grant application, “When full to the spillway crest, water depths will reach a maximum of 14 feet at the southern end, and the basin will inundate [seven] acres and detain 79 acre-feet of floodwater.”

After a hefty amount of pushback, the concept of a flood control program for the Ross Valley landed on the desk of a consulting firm, CH2M Hill, to look at what had been proposed and what might be alternatives. Part of that re-examination included another look at whether Memorial Park should remain as a key element in the flood control system. Proponents of the detention-basin plan note that the basins would work together with the improvements to Phoenix Lake as well as improvements to bridges and creek widening to reduce floodwater overflow through the valley. Eliminating Memorial Park would reduce the efficacy of the system unless an alternative site replaced it.

CH2M ranked the proposed detention basins using a complicated formula that scored each basin and Phoenix Lake based on criteria that included costs and benefits, and flood control, as well as protection of the environment. Phoenix Lake came out on top. Memorial Park was second in the ranking. In addition to looking at the original list of basins, the consultants studied a batch of additional sites. Deer Park came in third, the former Sunnyside Nursery ranks fourth, the Bothin Youth Park Center is fifth, San Domenico School is sixth, Lefty Gomez drops to seventh, Marin Town and Country Club is eighth, Red Hill is ninth and Hidden Valley is 10th. (The nursery is private property, a criterion that excluded it and sites like it from the original choices.)

Using a system of four basins and Phoenix Lake, which virtually no one suggests should be excised from the plan, Memorial Park still stays in the top tier.
The consultants are looking at the revamped list and will return to town with a report in June about their relative efficacy. Proponents of the process say that the renewed investigation will advance the selection process and respond to criticisms aimed at using Memorial Park. Opponents remain adamant that the park would hold back a relatively small volume of water given the amount of money needed to transform the site.

Opponents of using Memorial Park make points routinely heard now among a restive portion of the electorate. Among those points is the charge that elected officials refuse to listen to their constituents.

Working that vein, a group of opponents to the Memorial Park proposal recently started circulating a petition that would force the Town Council to alter the town’s general plan. The alteration would prevent using Memorial Park as a detention basin.

If opponents collect signatures of 10 percent of the town’s registered voters, council members would either have to adopt the initiative or put it on a ballot. If opponents can collect signatures of 15 percent of the town’s registered voters, the council would have to adopt the initiative or call a special election.

Councilman Greene says that he expects the consultants to simply corroborate a flood control plan that supporters already have thrown their weight behind. “The consultants were hired after a sustained groundswell of objections,” he says. “I think their charge is to propagandize the appropriateness of the detention idea for Memorial Park.”

Greene supports the petition drive, which, like the Memorial Park proposal, is a wedge splitting the community. “I am in favor of a local vote to determine whether Memorial Park ought to be transformed into a detention basin,” Greene says. “I have advocated for that in Town Council meetings, and I continue to advocate for that.”

But opponents of the petition drive say that rather than advancing a form of direct democracy, it’s actually aimed at blocking a flood control project that would be a benefit to the entire Ross Valley, including San Anselmo. The opposition to Memorial Park, they posit, is a way to drive another wedge, this time into the wider flood control proposal.

Opponents of the detention basin strategy suggest that funds raised could be better used to raise endangered homes and businesses above flood levels and otherwise fortify them against floodwaters. That would be a better use of public money than excavating flood basins, they advocate. (But whether that would work in places like downtown San Anselmo is a question about practicality left unanswered.)

Supervisor Katie Rice represents the Ross Valley. She supports the detention basin proposal and stands firm in her opposition to the petition gambit. “I think the petition is ill timed,” she says. She questions whether the petition is aimed at promulgating public participation or “thwarting the results” of a process that has looked at and then re-examined the efficacy of detention basins, including Memorial Park, and will return to public scrutiny in June.

“I think the process of high-level review of detention-basin sites that were chosen and of potential alternatives is a really good and healthy process,” Rice says. “It helps review [alternatives] with the public to determine whether a site will or will not work.”

Rice calls for people who lean toward supporting a petition process to “take the high ground, no pun intended,” and embrace the process that has proceeded to this point. “The council is going to have to take positions and vote whether to go forward,” Rice says, “and that’s where the public can weigh in.”
She also says that people in the Ross Valley should look at the flood control project with a wider lens. “No single basin or project addresses the situation,” she says. “They all work together.” Along with the critical task of reducing flooding in the valley, she adds, each of the proposed detention basins provides an opportunity for “additional benefits to the community.” Those benefits could range from improved recreational facilities to improved trails and reduced sedimentation. Not to mention critical improvements to bridges that would be part of the overall project, Rice notes.

While cautions about increased chances of catastrophic flooding echo across the Bay Area, residents in the Ross Valley wrestle with the details of floodwater volume and the efficacy of detention basins and whether their elected representatives are listening to their wishes.

Rice cautions that a referendum process, which can be susceptible to political manipulation, isn’t the right avenue for “making decisions about big and important community projects” like flood control.

Contact the writer at pe***@******an.com.

Style: What was I thinking?

by Katie Rice Jones

Man perms, hair scrunchies, acid wash jeans, harem pants, Crocs, overalls, velour loungewear and platform tennis shoes are just some of the items contained within the halls of regrettable fashion. Ironically, these same cringe-worthy looks (and so many others) once posed themselves as edgy or extreme or trend-right.

And you bought it. However, with a combination of time, distance and honed taste level, you wised up and began to see the err in their fashion ways.

In most instances, those regrettable fashion choices that you once made are distant and laughable memories. But in some cases, well, they are not—like when you took a big fashion risk at a big life event. For those are the fashion mistakes that are recorded in photo detail, and those photos will be shared for a lifetime. Take that poufy Dynasty-styled wedding dress that my sister proudly selected for her 1986 nuptials.

In 2015, its styling now serves to mar her otherwise charming wedding photos and for that matter, her memories, too. What a shame.

While you will make most of your fashion mistakes when you are youngish, or when you are moving between life transitions (that same time that you are developing or navigating your sense of self), there is no time in your life that you are impervious to regrettable fashion. To avoid more “What was I thinking” moments in the future, you must figure out which fashion and dressing trends are going to be regrettable, in your present.

Over the years, I have come to find that those trends that offer a contrarian or ironic fashion perspective tend to be the worst offenders. These types of trends …

• fly in the face of the day’s dressing decorum
• suggest juxtaposing an outfit’s separates in style or formality (i.e., sequin jacket with twill micro-shorts)
• border on the edge of ridiculousness (i.e., any getup at Coachella)

The good news is that you don’t need to be a style expert to forecast regrettable fashion—you just must trust in your personal style, be skeptical of what the runway presents each season, step outside of your local trends and ask yourself, “Does this look stupid on me?” And lean to a more classic look for big life events like graduations, proms, pregnancies and weddings.

If all else fails and you think that you might be currently wearing regrettable fashion, just don’t take pictures!

Ask Katie what outfits she regrets at le*****@********un.com.

SIX TRENDS THAT ARE QUICKLY HEADED TO REGRETTABLE:
•Track pants with dressy top
• Hem-rolled jeans with heels
• Micro-shorts and blazer
• Super-sized top or jacket with slim bottoms
• Mustaches and beards
• Floral wreaths

Home & Garden: Green thumb mama

by Annie Spiegelman, the Dirt Diva

A couple of new gardening books caught my eye this month, just in time for Mother’s Day. Growing Beautiful Food: A Gardener’s Guide to Cultivating Extraordinary Vegetables and Fruit by Matthew Benson, will make you want to dash out into your yard and get growing. Not only is this exquisite book filled with gorgeous photographs of plants and produce, but organic farmer/photographer Benson isn’t too hard on the eyes.

Though he grew up as an urbanite, he later fell in love with a woman who was raised in the gatehouse of a rambling old estate property in the Hudson Valley, 60 miles north of New York City. The pair now runs Stonegate Farm, an organic market farm and Community Supported Agriculture (CSA).

“The property wasn’t meant to be farmed, any more that I was meant to be a farmer,” Benson says. “Like me, it’s new to agriculture, so whatever hoeing and growing goes on, we’re in it together.” The collection of 19th century carpenter Gothic outbuildings were there to support the lifestyle of the estate’s first owners; carriage house, stable, icehouse, manger, barn, gatehouse, greenhouse. All of this is documented in photographs throughout the book that will take you back in time. Growing Beautiful Food begins with dreaming up your garden and tips on soil and seed starting, then descriptive chapters on a plethora of vegetables and flowers, chicken coops and beehives—and ends with recipes! “Working the farm, we have become more patient, more capable, more resourceful and more humble,” Benson writes. “Work on the land develops deep connective tissue with simple, empirical purpose—something we’re in great need of in an age of texts and tweets.” Amen. $32.00, Rodale Books For more information about Stonegate Farm, visit stonegatefarmny.org.

Fran Sorin, a garden expert who has been guiding individuals to use gardening and connecting with nature as a tool for well-being, has recently published the 10th anniversary edition of her book entitled, Digging Deep: Unearthing Your Creative Roots Through Gardening. Sorin believes that gardening is both a sacred act and a playground for our imaginations. “Working in the garden over time, we learn to appreciate the Japanese aesthetic, wabi-sabi—everything is imperfect, impermanent and incomplete,” Sorin says.

“Eventually, often without even trying, we discover ourselves sinking into the wabi-sabi of life. We become less judgmental of ourselves and others and find ourselves more accepting of our own humanness.” Sorin begins with observing, discovering and exploring your garden and then envisioning your dreams. Next she begins a planning and taking action chapter. While Digging Deep focuses on gardening, readers can apply the wisdom and lessons in the book to any creative pursuit. Her message? Being creative fulfills and nourishes us deep within. Mindful gardening is what Sorin wants us to practice. She recommends setting your intent that you are going to work at staying present, prior to entering the garden. “Your attitude has everything to do with how successful you’ll be at reconnecting with your garden,” Sorin says. “For example, if you are pulling weeds and are thinking of errands you need to do before work, gently return your mind to the weeding and say something like, “I’m weeding and enjoying every minute of doing this. I know it’s helping to maintain a thriving, beautiful garden.” OK, I’ll try that in between all the mumbling and cursing I do while slashing my front yard weeds. Namaste. $14.99, Braided Worlds Publishing.

Is your mom in need of a very practical gardening book that tells you exactly what to do in your garden each month? Look no further. Claire Splan has organized and scheduled all of your gardening duties into one book called California Month-by-Month Gardening: What to do Each Month to Have A Beautiful Garden All Year. Splan is a freelance writer and editor who lives in Alameda and is also the author of California Fruit & Vegetable Gardening (Cool Springs Press, 2012). “According to a 2013 survey of gardening trends conducted by the Garden Writer’s Association Foundation, it’s not money, weather or space that impacts our gardening activities,” Splan says. “It is available time.” Splan wants you to find your rhythm in your garden, making the time you spend in it a pleasure instead of a series of endless chores.

After a general introduction on soil, irrigation, tools, pests and seeds, the author begins the book in January and continues on throughout the year with thorough information on what to do in your garden. For instance, in May she writes, “May is usually the time when I’m starting to wish that I had planted more roses in my garden.” Me, too! May is usually the time when most California roses are beginning to bloom and we all start dreaming about how many more roses we want blooming next year. Splan warns to choose the right plant for the right place. Only plant roses if you have six hours of full sunlight in your garden—preferably morning sun. Other May duties include planting annuals for immediate color or sowing seeds such as bachelor’s buttons, calendula, cosmos, larkspur, love-in-a-mist, lupine and nasturtium. Tomatoes can be planted now as well, but check with your local nursery to see which varieties will thrive in your region. Also, add plenty of soil amendment to your dirt for healthy, thriving tomatoes. I like the compost at American Soil in San Rafael or compost by Pt. Reyes Compost Company, which you can find at most Sloat nurseries. This way, you’ll have better luck and no need for chemical pesticides later in the season. The May chapter also has useful information on aerating your lawn, saving seeds, growing herbs, dividing and repotting orchids, irrigation tips and general problem-solving. $24.99, Cool Springs Press.

Ask Annie how she’ll spend Mother’s Day at th*********@*******nk.net.

Advice Goddess

by Amy Alkon

Q: I’ve always been a feelings stuffer, but I’ve been reading about vulnerability creating intimacy, blah, blah, blah, so I’m trying to be an open book. Though my boyfriend appreciates this, he keeps telling me there’s a line between expressiveness and my making everything an emotional issue to be hashed out. He last said this when I confessed that I had Googled his ex-girlfriend and felt threatened by how pretty she is. Should I have kept that to myself?—Open

A: If you were any more open, you’d have squatters and roosters. It’s great that you’ve thrown yourself into the trenches of Self-Improvementville, but the way you connect with someone is by letting them see who you are, not poking them in the eye with it every 20 minutes. Vulnerability shouldn’t be a fancy word for “everything you say or do hurts my feelings.” This Carnival of Insecurities, presented as problems for your boyfriend to solve, turns his life with you into a never-ending emotional chore wheel. (Remember, he’s in a relationship with you, not a psychology internship.)

This isn’t to say that you’re wrong to look to your boyfriend for soothing. But before you press a problem on him, ask yourself how it would affect him, whether he can fix it and whether it’s really his business to know.

Not all feelings are made for sharing. Some need to go off in a corner and die a quiet death on their own.

Still, you aren’t without help in ushering them there. (This is what therapists, best friends and the Journaling-Industrial Complex were invented for.)

People think that keeping romance alive takes a $10,000-a-night Spanish castle package, complete with moonlight carriage rides with an aria-singing Placido Domingo jogging behind. But it’s actually the mundane daily stuff that matters—how you and your partner respond to each other’s seemingly unimportant remarks and gestures. It turns out that telling your partner, “I can’t find the salt shaker anywhere” isn’t just an expression about a lost object; it’s what marriage researcher John Gottman calls a “bid for connection.”
In a study Gottman did with newlyweds, he found that the ones still married six years later were overwhelmingly those who consistently engaged with their partner and met those “bids” with “turn-towards.”

Turning toward a partner means being responsive—soothing, encouraging, supportive, or maybe just showing interest. This involves, for example, replying to your partner’s remark about the lost salt shaker—even with, “I hate when that happens!” rather than, “Lemme finish this ‘Minecraft’ session” or saying nothing at all (effectively treating them like some old couch you stopped noticing).

This “turning toward” thing is something you and your boyfriend can each do. Think of it as treating each other like you haven’t forgotten you love each other. It’s smart relationship policy and smart life policy—wiser than getting in the habit of responding to a partner’s, “I’m starting a machete collection” with, “That’s nice, dear.”

Q: The guy I’ve been seeing for a month just told me that he doesn’t want a relationship or monogamy. I told him from the start that I was looking for something “real” and wanted to take it slowly. I did sleep with him too quickly—on the first date. Still, I feel that men don’t really respect what you say you’re looking for. They get what they want and then leave. How do I keep this from happening in the future?—Ouch

A: Nothing like tearing off all your clothes on the first date to say, “I want to take it slowly.” (Your words said no, but your thighs had a marching band and a banner: “Welcome Home, Big Guy!”)

Many women claim to be seeking something “real”—either because they are or because they don’t want it to seem like their exercise program is “the walk of shame.” Guys are hip to this, so they nod their heads about the “real”ness-seeking and then nudge the woman to see whether she’ll tumble into bed. In other words, your problem was not that the guy didn’t “respect” what you said you wanted, but that you didn’t. (This might be a good time to notice that “blame” is just “lame” wearing a “b” as a hat.)

To avoid another Sexodus, match your behavior to your goals. Research (and common knowledge) finds that having sex pronto is a bad idea for a woman who’s looking for something lasting with a guy. This isn’t to say that sex on the first or second date never leads to more. It’s just a risky strategy to sleep with a man before he’s emotionally attached to you—like when your answer to the question, “So … how long have you two lovebirds been together?” is, “It’s actually coming up on two and a half beers!”

Theater: Defying explication

by Charles Brousse

It’s hard to know what to make of Mona Mansour’s The Way West, which is currently making its Bay Area debut at Mill Valley’s Marin Theatre Company (MTC). Is it an amiable satire of our infatuation with Hollywood’s depiction of America’s Old West as a land filled with self-reliant pioneers who face every adversity with a combination of optimism, grit, ingenuity and the ability to break into song at a moment’s notice? Or, is the satire part of a serious assessment of how far we’ve strayed from the promise of the American Dream? Or, is it a ’60s “happy hippie”-style rumination on nothing in particular but everything in general?

Perhaps The Way West defies explication. It is what it is. Classical music composers often offer us whimsical trinkets that they call divertimenti. Why not dramatists?

In any case, Mansour’s play comes to Marin with a solid pedigree. Vanquishing tough competition to win MTC’s Sky Cooper New American Play Prize in 1913, it continued to be developed through readings and dramaturgical assistance here and in New York—a process that led to its April, 1914 world premiere by Chicago’s prestigious Steppenwolf Theatre Company. Though most of her playwriting activity has been elsewhere, Mansour is also widely known in the Bay Area for her work with San Francisco’s Golden Thread Productions, a company with the mission of using live theater as a means to widen public acquaintance with Middle Eastern culture.

Mansour’s protagonist, a character simply known as Mom, reminds me of Berthold Brecht’s Mother Courage—except that instead of having to defend herself and her family against external threats as they wander the ravaged battlefields of 19th century Central Europe, Mom has to cope with the daily tribulations of an ailing widow in a decaying Central Valley, California house, surrounded by family members and visitors who nonchalantly add fuel to the approaching collapse.

There’s daughter Michele (Kathryn Zdan), an immature underachiever who has been more or less secretly “borrowing” from Mom’s accounts for many years, hastening the day when the financial well will run dry. There’s daughter Amanda (Rosie Hallett), a Chicago-based businesswoman, who comes home for a visit determined to put her mother’s affairs in better order, but ends up hearing that the project she has been working on back in the Midwest has imploded. There’s Tress (Stacy Ross), Mom’s entrepreneurial friend, whose “magic water” lotion, developed with Mom’s financial assistance, comes a cropper. And, finally, there’s Luis (Hugo E. Carbajal), the family friend and counselor who offers mouthfuls of earnest but ineffectual advice.

While all of the above-named actors skillfully bring their characters to life, it is Anne Darragh’s portrayal of Mom that gives the play its distinctive flavor. Undaunted by successive disasters, she draws upon the “wisdom” of the Old West (popular sayings imprinted in rustic lettering on panels introduced by director Hayley Finn) to carry her through. Even as she sinks farther and farther into the mud, she fears nothing, and holds no grudges until, inevitably, like Mother Courage, she can go no further.

The music team of Sam Misner and Megan Pearl Smith contributes some catchy 19th century country-style melodies, and Geoffrey M. Curley’s set—a cluttered room under arches that suggest the supports of a canvas-covered prairie schooner—adds to the ambience.

For all this, the play’s central problem is the pervading sense of moral detachment. Mom’s struggle is real. It touches us viscerally. If (as it seems) nothing matters very much for Mansour’s characters, how can it matter to us?

Tip of the week: Fifth of July, Lanford Wilson’s classic treatment of the challenges facing returning Vietnam War veterans, is on the main stage at Berkeley’s Aurora Theatre Company. It’s a big play for a small space, but if you’ve never seen it, this is a rare opportunity.

NOW PLAYING: The Way West runs through May 10 at the Marin Theatre Company, 397 Miller Ave., Mill Valley. Information: 415/388-5298, or bo*******@**********re.org. Fifth of July runs through May 17 at Aurora Theatre Company, 2081 Addison St., Berkeley. Information: 510/843-4822, or auroratheatre.org.

Charles Brousse can be reached at cb******@*tt.net.

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by Amy Alkon Q: I’ve always been a feelings stuffer, but I’ve been reading about vulnerability creating intimacy, blah, blah, blah, so I’m trying to be an open book. Though my boyfriend appreciates this, he keeps telling me there’s a line between expressiveness and my making everything an emotional issue to be hashed out. He last said this when I...

Theater: Defying explication

by Charles Brousse It’s hard to know what to make of Mona Mansour’s The Way West, which is currently making its Bay Area debut at Mill Valley’s Marin Theatre Company (MTC). Is it an amiable satire of our infatuation with Hollywood’s depiction of America’s Old West as a land filled with self-reliant pioneers who face every adversity with a combination...
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