Hero and Zero: A kind supervisor and a mean leader

by Nikki Silverstein

Hero: World Market in Greenbrae told S. to return her patio set after a chair broke and the occupant landed on the ground. The chairs had been pulled from the store for this reason. The cashier, Debbie, began the return, which apparently was complicated by the original sale date. Debbie berated the customer for waiting to bring back the items. As S. tried to explain, the checker rolled her eyes, flicked her hand in a dismissive way and spoke so rudely that it bordered on hostility. Jonathan, a supervisor, saw that S. was shaken by the incident, and guided her away. He apologized profusely and stayed with her until she calmed down. In the end, Jonathan’s service trumped Debbie’s mistreatment. We’re rolling our eyes at Debbie right now.

Zero: Dee, a woman living alone in Tiburon, relies on Meetup for social activities. Recently, she joined a comedy writing group. The first meeting that she attended was enjoyable and she looked forward to the next one. Last week, Dee received an email from C.J. Singh, the group’s new leader, who instructed her to change her online profile to include “an ID-type photo and full name.” To maintain her privacy and for safety reasons, Dee had elected not to include her last name or photo on the Meetup site. To comply with Singh’s request, she emailed the demanded items directly to him with her explanation. He promptly removed her from the group and refuses to reinstate her. Singh, lighten up—it’s a meetup, not a beat-down.

Got a Hero or a Zero? Please send submissions to ni***************@***oo.com.

Marin Uncovered: Soaring above

by Joanne Williams

Outdoors, after school, the playgrounds in Marin City ring with the ping of a baseball bat and squeals of kids riding high on the swings, while inside a cloistered classroom at Bridge the Gap College Prep (BTGCP), there’s only a murmur. At 4 o’clock, BTGCP students and their tutors hunch over homework, perched on Lilliputian-size chairs.

“Let’s focus on this problem,” says 16-year-old tutor Jack Jacoby, who has mentored a sixth grader for the past two years. As they work on algebra together, Jacoby says, “I like to show him that learning can be fun, and we talk sports.” Jacoby is a surfer, baseball player and student at Marin Academy.

Across the room, posters line the walls, along with cheery student artwork and encouraging pledges: “I promise to believe in myself and not give up.”

“I promise to help create a safe and supportive classroom by following all Bridge the Gap College Prep rules and by having a positive attitude.”

BTGCP is a free college preparatory tutoring/mentoring program for Marin City kids, first grade through high school. Since the high school program started three years ago, 100 percent of the BTGCP students have graduated from high school and matriculated to college.

The rules of the program are to work hard, show up, respect others, aim high—and believe in yourself. How hard is that? “It can be very hard if you are dealing with the chronic stress of poverty, or if you don’t feel safe, or if you are hungry,” says Jennifer Nichols, who has been manager of the volunteer program for the past three and a half years. Nichols has a B.A. in anthropology from Colgate University and a master’s degree in public health, population and family health from Columbia University. She has long been involved in community development, reproductive health care and education.

Founded 19 years ago by Denni Brusseau, Robert Hunter and Pastor Fred Small, and now headed by new Executive Director Laura Cox, BTGCP is a warren of rooms inside a public school building at 105 Drake Avenue. The budget is close to $1 million a year, and a third of it is raised each spring by Vines and Visions, an annual fundraiser. This year the event raised about $340,000. Funds also come from private donations and grants.

Children in the program are focused on thriving academically through high school and on to college. The organization is grounded in its volunteer-based tutorial/mentoring program. “Trust is everything in this community,” says Nichols, clear-eyed and reed-slender, who spends her off-hours on the tennis court or pedaling her bike. “Showing up each week for your tutoring assignment—the consistency, the dedication—is essential.” As we talk, a youngster comes in the door and Nichols hugs her before she meets her tutor.

One of the favorite parts of BTGCP’s program is the dinner served five nights a week for 25 high school students and five credentialed teachers. While eating catered meals that include foods such as pasta or grilled chicken, salad, bread and fresh fruit, students discuss current events around the large table, family-style.

Then it’s off to the classrooms for homework support and tutoring in math and other essential academic skills. “We are creating a college prep culture here that meets the specific needs of committed Marin City students—which includes a safe place where they have a voice, people who believe and good, healthy food,” Nichols says.

“I love working with teenagers,” Nichols continues, referring to her pool of more than 170 volunteers. “They have so much to offer and they don’t realize it. I feel a great responsibility to provide them with a meaningful volunteer experience, because when they connect with others, I know they will continue in their lives to give back. Volunteering makes a positive difference in both their lives and in the lives of the young students they support.”

All of the BTGCP students are Marin City residents and reflect the rich diversity of Marin City, Nichols says. Most of the students are African-American, about 50 are Latino and some are Caucasian. Students come from a variety of schools, including the Martin Luther King, Jr. Academy and the Willow Creek Academy (both in Sausalito); grades one through three meet for one hour in the evening for one-on-one time with a tutor/mentor. Students in fourth through eighth grades meet after school for two hours, twice a week and high schoolers meet four times a week in the evenings.

The minimum volunteer commitment is one or two hours (depending on the program) per week, and many have been tutoring/mentoring for many years. Lawyers, teachers, parents and others from varied backgrounds and professions volunteer.

One student at Tam High has been in the tutorial program since the fifth grade. Now a junior, her goal is to study cinematography at Cal State Long Beach, a long-held dream. She grew up in Marin City with a single mother, who is director of operations at a local university. This summer, the teenager will volunteer in leadership training for the second year at Camp Mendocino. Her mentor at BTGCP has been instrumental, she says, in furthering her college goals.

This summer, BTGCP plans to bring two students from Daraja (which means “Bridge” in Swahili), Kenya, to Marin to develop a workshop there for high school girls—similar to Marin’s Bridge the Gap. “They have nothing there,” Nichols says of Daraja. “It’s the first time young women will be learning from other young women. Some women in the Daraja program are orphaned, some escaping from arranged marriages or abusive homes.” Plans for 2016 are to send two Marin City high school girls to Daraja in exchange. “It’s a beautiful model for the world,” Nichols says.

Back in Marin, the interest level in BTGCP is high.

“We have a 12-year-old in the program who is caregiver to six siblings,” Nichols says. “We want to give him every opportunity to succeed.” Recently, a fifth-grade boy walked in and said that he wanted a tutor and he wanted to get into the evening program as well. He brought back his signed permission slip and his instruction is underway.

“Like others in the program, he has a belief in a different outcome for his life,” Nichols says.

Ask Joanne what she learned at le*****@********un.com.

Bridge the Gap recently received its first grant from the San Francisco Foundation to provide intensive academic and social emotional skills development for Marin City students. The organization is also collaborating with the Sausalito Marin City Recreation Center, Bayside MLK Academy and Marin Community Development Corporation to prevent academic skill loss over the summer by providing math and literacy classes. To learn more, visit btgcollegeprep.org.

Executive Editor’s Note: The Sun’s new rise

by Dan Pulcrano

Astute readers may have noticed an elegant redraw of the Pacific Sun’s classic logo on the cover last week. We asked legendary type designer Jim Parkinson, who’s freshened up nameplates for publications as diverse as Rolling Stone and the Washington Post, to lend a hand. The new-old look celebrates tradition in a clean, elegant style that’s intended to give the Sun an iconic identity in a new millennium.

With the help of publication designer Roger Black, our team of Design Director Kara Brown, Art Director Jessica Armstrong and Production Manager Phaedra Strecher has been revisiting the Sun’s look since the publication changed hands less than three weeks ago. The idea is to give the country’s original alt-weekly (at least outside of Manhattan) an appearance befitting a smart, handsome and youthful-thinking 52-year-old.

Over the past half century, the Pacific Sun has been a key part of chronicling and shaping Marin County’s unique lifestyle and culture. Now part of a group with three other Bay Area alternative weeklies, the Sun will benefit from investment and creative vision. We intend to seek out the best writers and visual artists we can find to produce a free weekly that’s fresh, original and true to its history.

Please pick us up each week to watch the changes.

Letter: ‘I am surprised that you did not blank out the bad words’

Foul language

One of your readers writing re: Mill Valley and it’s changing attitude [“Self-assuming assholes,” Letters, May 8-14, 2015], used some pretty strong language in his letter! I am surprised that you did not blank out the bad words. Yes, Mill Valley has changed, I can attest to that. I came to MV on a hike with some colleagues from school many years ago, and again in 1947 to work here and live! Yes, I assure you MV has changed! But, to tolerate foul language in a family newspaper is itself somewhat of a change, too!!!

Romolo Iavarone

Letter: ‘With fond remembrances … ‘

‘Pissing into the wind’

I read, with interest, the letter from my dear friend, John Cross, about his travails on the streets of Mill Valley [“Sorry, not sorry,” Letters, May 13-19, 2015.] As a relative latecomer to Marin (1972), I had less investment and therefore less tolerance for the impatient and perpetually entitled, not to mention put-upon (see “Entitlement Wars,” same section) denizens of beautiful Mill Valley, than John does, as he was born and raised in southern Marin. I lived in Sausalito until 1989 when, for lack of affordable housing, I joined the exodus of blue collar tradesmen to Sonoma County. It became a familiar story—I lived in Sonoma and worked in Marin. The short version of the rest of the story is that I no longer work in Mill Valley (I’m a residential contractor) because my experience with the public in that beautiful town has been so painful.

The fallacious notion that living in a particular zip code gives you the right to behave like a spoiled teenager is one I choose not to engage. In closing, I fully accept I am pissing into the wind, but I need to share my spleen in support of good ol’ JC (John Cross).

With fond remembrances of The Old Mill and Brother’s Taverns, Mike Frost

 

Letter: ‘I hope you will tread lightly’

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

Regarding “New Dawn for the ‘Sun,” by Rosemary Olson, in the May 13-19, 2015 issue, first let me compliment you on the Sun’s new cover layout design. However, I was sorry to see that you switched to a new, slick, whiter paper stock. This cosmetic change is not, in my view, an improvement.

Shiny paper like this has to be coated with clay and other chemicals which reduce the post-consumer fiber content by 50 percent. That means that it is less recyclable. Plus, the whiter the paper, the more chlorine is needed to bleach the wood fiber. The chlorine waste from this process goes into our environment. (We consumers can also reduce this toxic waste by choosing brown paper napkins, towels and toilet paper where possible.)

I have enjoyed reading the Sun for over 27 years, and I have been perfectly happy with the good old newsprint paper stock. As you work to improve our paper, I hope you will tread lightly by recognizing those aspects that are already serving well, and that don’t need “fixing.”

Daniel Keller, San Rafael

Letter: ‘Feels much better … ‘

Special touch

I love the new paper you are using; feels much better to the touch.

Happy reader

Trivia: The church of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Milano, Italy houses a fresco (or wall painting) of what famous scene, painted by whom?

For more trivia questions (and answers!) see Howard Rachelson’s Trivia Café every week in the Pacific Sun.

 

Answer: The Last Supper, by Leonardo da Vinci.

Upfront: Critical connection

1

by Peter Seidman

Alternative transportation advocates in Marin continue to voice concern that a planned multiuse path through San Rafael will lack critical sections. One of them would be especially useful to low-income residents in the Canal area.

The multiuse path, part of the SMART commuter rail project, will benefit all users of alternative transportation. But for many Canal residents, walking and biking are more than preferred methods of alternative transportation—they’re the only options.

When voters in Marin and Sonoma counties passed Measure Q in 2008, they approved what was the last in a line of several ballot proposals to raise the sales tax in the two counties to fund rail transportation along the rail corridor that runs between the two counties. In 2006, Measure R failed to garner the combined required two-thirds majority needed for passage in the two counties. Measure R garnered a combined 65.3 percent of the vote, 1.3 percent shy of the necessary total. In 2008, Measure Q garnered 69.1 percent of the vote, pushing it over the top.

One of the key elements that led to the success of Measure R, say bike advocates, was the support it received from the bike communities in both counties. The Marin County Bicycle Coalition disseminated information about the proposed multiuse path that would run along the SMART train route. The dream scenario envisioned a route separated from street traffic that would run the full length of the proposed 70-mile train route from Larkspur to Cloverdale.

Then the financial cataclysm hit, and SMART found itself scrambling for funds to deliver on the premise of a train route and a parallel multiuse path. The answer at SMART was to deliver the train route in segments. In Marin, that meant a terminus in San Rafael instead of Larkspur in the first phase of construction. Finding the finances to build the multiuse path and the train route challenged SMART and led to inevitable tension between those who said that the train comes first and bike advocates who rightly pointed out that voters had approved a project that included a parallel multiuse path. It was more than an add-on, they said. It was an intrinsic part of the project.

In December of 2014, alternative transportation advocates raised what they said was a legitimate alarm that SMART was planning to excise key parts of the multiuse path through San Rafael. The SMART 2014 strategic plan, approved in December, failed to include three multiuse path segments: North San Pedro Road to the top of Puerto Suello Hill, Mission Avenue to Second Street and Second Street to Andersen Drive. That excision, bike advocates charged, violated the intent of Measure Q, which promised voters a continuous path.

The excision means that bike riders would be forced to continue using congested surface streets to traverse downtown San Rafael to reach the Cal Park Hill Tunnel, which leads to Larkspur Landing and points south. Opening the tunnel, which can accommodate the train route and the multiuse path, was a major victory for train and bike advocates.

Since the 1970s, bike advocates have worked to create a path that would run from Novato to the Golden Gate Bridge. The multiuse path included in Measure Q represented an important step in making the dream a reality. The realization that SMART failed to include the San Rafael segments in its 2014 strategic plan was a blow. The segments were included in an earlier strategic plan.

“Of utmost concern right now is the section between Second Street and Andersen Drive,” says Alisha Oloughlin, Marin County Bicycle Coalition planning director. The excision from the SMART strategic plan is less concerning than an excision from an environmental assessment, she says. “Strategic plans are dynamic, but environmental assessments are pretty concrete.” Leaving the three segments out of the multiuse route through San Rafael, she reiterates, would negate the concept of running a protected path through downtown San Rafael.

Completing a path protected from traffic is not an inconsequential goal. The most identified reason bike riders choose not to mount their two-wheel transportation is the perception of an unsafe route. And the necessity of riding in traffic ranks as the most significant threat to safe riding. In communities that create protected bike lanes, ridership increases dramatically. In June 2014, Portland State University corroborated the assumption in a study it released that looked at bike ridership in five cities.

When San Francisco created a protected bike route on Fell Street, bike ridership increased by 46 percent. Painted “bike route” lanes contributed to the increase, along with flexible posts that delineated the route and provided perceived separation. In Portland, a similar protected bike route helped increase ridership on one of the city’s streets by 68 percent. And Washington D.C. saw a 65 percent increase on a similarly protected route.

Marin residents already have demonstrated that they are amenable to riding bikes as a means of utilitarian transportation, especially when improved bike routes become available.

In 2014, Marin, one of four communities across the country in the federal Nonmotorized Transportation Pilot Program, posted an increase in bike use of 66 percent since 2007. The U.S. Department of Transportation included the increase in a final report about the program, which rested on the assumption that improving bike infrastructure can boost ridership.

Leaving multiuse path segments, especially Second Street to Andersen out of its environmental review, Oloughlin says, “will forever preclude a path” on the segment because creating a path there after the train infrastructure is installed is virtually impossible. She also said that one section in San Rafael “is a pinch point between Irwin Street and Rice Drive.” (That’s near Best Buy.) “It is admittedly a challenge to fit train tracks and a path there, next to a tidally influenced creek. But there are creative design solutions that would accommodate the tracks and the path. SMART has not explored those.”

That’s not exactly accurate, according to Farhad Mansourian, SMART general manager. “There is an area between Second and Andersen where we have 50 feet, and we need 48 feet for the train.” SMART must abide by a dizzying number of regulatory rules regarding train safety and environmental regulations, both on the federal level. “We came up with the idea of widening the area by filling the existing channel,” Mansourian says. Three regulatory agencies refused to approve the plan.

SMART then proposed that the bike community pursue the multiuse path project with the city of San Rafael as a local transportation project rather than a federal project connected with the train route. “They wouldn’t have to face the same regulatory rules and federal process that we face,” Mansourian says.

San Rafael has agreed to contribute $40,000 to an independent study to determine if the multiuse path along the train route could be feasible and satisfy local environmental rules. The city partnered with the county and with the Transportation Authority of Marin to develop possible alternatives. Mansourian says that SMART is a willing partner.

Although the multiuse path segments in San Rafael are not the only ones that present difficulties in completing what’s been called a North-South Greenway along the train route, the San Rafael segments represent a critical portion of the central San Rafael connection to the Cal Park tunnel and Larkspur Landing. Negotiating through San Rafael downtown traffic is no easy task.

The route isn’t a choice for many Canal residents. It’s a necessity. In spite of recent state law that allows undocumented residents to get licenses, “many people [in the Canal] still don’t have licenses for a number of reasons,” says Tom Wilson, executive director of the Canal Alliance. That’s a situation replicated across the state, he adds. “A lot of people [in the Canal] rely on bicycles for transportation.” For that reason, Wilson says, forcing riders onto unprotected surface streets along the multiuse path route “would disproportionally affect people who live in the Canal, people who work around the county. A lot of the jobs are in the southern part of the county.” The multiuse path “is critical for people here.”

Oloughlin says one option not yet explored fully is whether the path could be cantilevered above the environmentally sensitive area. That might be one of the options explored in the study of alternatives that city officials, county officials, SMART and transportation advocates are waiting to see.

Mansourian reiterates that SMART remains a willing partner in the process to produce the best multiuse path possible—given funding and regulatory constraints.

Contact the writer at pe***@******an.com.

Advice Goddess

by Amy Alkon

Q: A year ago, a co-worker I had a crush on made moves on me after-hours at work, and we stopped just short of having sex. I saw him as a potential boyfriend, and I emphasized that I was not interested in casual sex. He told me at the time that he had broken up with his girlfriend, but two days later said they’d made up. Several times since, when his relationship has been on the rocks, he’s suggested that we have sex. I told him I want no physical contact with him ever again, and now he rarely speaks to me, despite seeing me daily at work. I considered him a friend, so I’m devastated he took advantage of me and was only interested in cheating. I’m finding it really hard to heal and move on.—Disturbed

A: If there’s a next logical step after late-night office sexytime, it probably isn’t, “Now that we’re done despoiling the conference table, let’s go meet each other’s parents!”

Remember dating? People who want relationships—especially female people who aren’t up for anything less—go on dates before they go on the conference table. This isn’t to say that women should never have after-hours fun with some guy at work; it’s just that if you want a relationship, having sex before he gets emotionally attached is a risky strategy—one that often leads to just sex. Or just sex whenever his relationship is on the rocks.

Sure, you “emphasized” that you don’t want casual sex—a statement that probably buzzed on papery little wings around the guy’s ear before getting squished by his sex drive. Women evolved to be the Missouri of human sexuality—Missouri’s nickname being “the Show-Me State.” Women protect themselves by being what evolutionary psychologists Martie Haselton and David Buss call “commitment skeptics”—holding off having sex while seeking evidence of a man’s willingness to invest (beyond an evening of semi-naked fun in a desk chair). As for men, research by psychologists Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield confirms what most of us have observed numerous times: As long as a woman has a moderate level of attractiveness, a man’s likely to want to have sex with her. In other words, while women are the sexual gatekeepers, for men, there is no gate. There isn’t even a fence.

Sure, it’s disappointing when a man you’re picturing in the “future boyfriend” slot just wants to have sex. But feeling insulted about that is like my feeling insulted that my 5-pound dog tries to have sex with my arm—apparently some sort of odd biological imperative that my arm and I don’t take personally.

To move on, turn this into a learning experience so you can protect yourself in the future. This starts with admitting that you got sucked in not because of something this guy did but because you let ego and emotion do the driving while reason was gagged, hogtied and left for dead in the trunk. Accept that it’s your responsibility to vet whether a situation would ultimately work for you instead of leaving the guardianship of your needs to others—others whose agenda may not match yours. Yes, I’m hinting that many men will tell a woman just about anything to get sex. (Just ask a man whose grandma has died suddenly and tragically … dozens of times.)

Q: After casual sex, why do some men spend all night spooning and cuddling? This just happened for the second time, and it really messes with my head. My nesting inclination kicks in, and I start fantasizing about engagement rings. And I’m not some needy little thing.—Confused

A: It’s like when the plane’s landing gear is malfunctioning and a person grabs the hand of the stranger seated next to them … not because that person means something to them but because it feels better than possibly dying alone in a fiery explosion.

Casual sex, like grain alcohol and ladies’ clingy knitwear, isn’t for everyone. In research by anthropologist John Marshall Townsend, many women who just wanted sex from a guy still woke up the morning after with worries like, “Does he care about me?” and “Is sex all he was after?” This is perhaps because of the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin—upon orgasm or from intense cuddling. (In men, testosterone goes all defensive lineman, tackling the oxytocin and blocking it from getting to its receptor.) Understanding this may lead you to rethink hooking up. At the very least, you should take precautions for safe sex—like asking, “Where’s the fire escape?” and telling a guy about the tender talk you need immediately afterward … such as, “You can let yourself out,” and “Don’t forget to leave the parking pass in my mailbox.”

Hero and Zero: A kind supervisor and a mean leader

hero and zero
by Nikki Silverstein Hero: World Market in Greenbrae told S. to return her patio set after a chair broke and the occupant landed on the ground. The chairs had been pulled from the store for this reason. The cashier, Debbie, began the return, which apparently was complicated by the original sale date. Debbie berated the customer for waiting to bring...

Marin Uncovered: Soaring above

by Joanne Williams Outdoors, after school, the playgrounds in Marin City ring with the ping of a baseball bat and squeals of kids riding high on the swings, while inside a cloistered classroom at Bridge the Gap College Prep (BTGCP), there’s only a murmur. At 4 o’clock, BTGCP students and their tutors hunch over homework, perched on Lilliputian-size chairs. “Let’s focus...

Executive Editor’s Note: The Sun’s new rise

by Dan Pulcrano Astute readers may have noticed an elegant redraw of the Pacific Sun’s classic logo on the cover last week. We asked legendary type designer Jim Parkinson, who’s freshened up nameplates for publications as diverse as Rolling Stone and the Washington Post, to lend a hand. The new-old look celebrates tradition in a clean, elegant style that’s intended...

Letter: ‘I am surprised that you did not blank out the bad words’

Foul language One of your readers writing re: Mill Valley and it’s changing attitude , used some pretty strong language in his letter! I am surprised that you did not blank out the bad words. Yes, Mill Valley has changed, I can attest to that. I came to MV on a hike with some colleagues from school many years ago,...

Letter: ‘With fond remembrances … ‘

'Pissing into the wind' I read, with interest, the letter from my dear friend, John Cross, about his travails on the streets of Mill Valley As a relative latecomer to Marin (1972), I had less investment and therefore less tolerance for the impatient and perpetually entitled, not to mention put-upon (see “Entitlement Wars,” same section) denizens of beautiful Mill...

Letter: ‘I hope you will tread lightly’

If it ain't broke, don't fix it Regarding “New Dawn for the ‘Sun,” by Rosemary Olson, in the May 13-19, 2015 issue, first let me compliment you on the Sun’s new cover layout design. However, I was sorry to see that you switched to a new, slick, whiter paper stock. This cosmetic change is not, in my view, an improvement. Shiny...

Letter: ‘Feels much better … ‘

Special touch I love the new paper you are using; feels much better to the touch. Happy reader

Trivia: The church of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Milano, Italy houses a fresco (or wall painting) of what famous scene, painted by whom?

For more trivia questions (and answers!) see Howard Rachelson’s Trivia Café every week in the Pacific Sun.   Answer: The Last Supper, by Leonardo da Vinci.

Upfront: Critical connection

by Peter Seidman Alternative transportation advocates in Marin continue to voice concern that a planned multiuse path through San Rafael will lack critical sections. One of them would be especially useful to low-income residents in the Canal area. The multiuse path, part of the SMART commuter rail project, will benefit all users of alternative transportation. But for many Canal residents, walking...

Advice Goddess

advice goddess
by Amy Alkon Q: A year ago, a co-worker I had a crush on made moves on me after-hours at work, and we stopped just short of having sex. I saw him as a potential boyfriend, and I emphasized that I was not interested in casual sex. He told me at the time that he had broken up with his...
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