Shark Tank A mother pitches an idea for keeping babies from losing pacifiers. And no, it’s not your staple gun idea. ABC. 9pm.
Saturday, April 11 Text to Kill Anonymous messages reveal the secrets of a group of teens. This is why you should pay extra for T-Mobile’s “No Stalkers!” texting plan. (2015) Lifetime. 8pm.
The Godfather III This could be the perfect time slot for this film. It’s so late that you wouldn’t stay up for it, but if you are up, you’re drunk and you won’t notice how much it sucks. (1990). American Movie Classics. 2am.
Sunday April 12 The Fantastic Four A better title might have been, “The Four Who Could Have Been Fantastic But Are More Or Less Phoning It In.” (2005). SyFy. 6:30pm.
2015 MTV Movie Awards It’s like the Oscars but the award for special effects goes to Kim Kardashian’s makeup artist for making her appear less reptilian. MTV. 8pm.
American Odyssey In the second episode of this series about a major U.S. corporation funding Islamic terrorists, the characters are able to stop rolling their eyes long enough to assess the situation. NBC. 10pm.
Monday, April 13 Cocaine Cowboys This documentary chronicles how federal regulations stifled the expansion of free trade. Showtime. 5:30pm.
I Know What You Did Last Summer Now it’d be, “I Know What You Did Last Summer Because You Put It On Facebook and Instagram.” Oxygen. 6pm.
Robin Hood This is the Russell Crowe one, not the Errol Flynn one. The men are much less merry. (2010). SyFy. 9pm.
Tuesday, April 14 ‘Flip or Flop’ Marathon An attractive Southern California couple buys, remodels and sells a different house in every episode. It’s frightening how much of the American economy is based on granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. HGTV. 7pm.
iZombie Liv must eat the brain of her murdered sorority sister to gain knowledge of the crime. It sounds far-fetched. Since when did sorority sisters have brains? CW. 9pm.
Wednesday, April 15 Iron Man 2 In the sequel, Tony Stark learns that the palladium in the arc reactor that keeps him alive is slowly poisoning him and he must invent a new device that looks totally cooler than the first one. (2010). FX. 7:30pm.
Survivorman: Bigfoot Les Stroud goes into the woods to investigate. Finally, somebody is applying the proper scientific rigor to get to the bottom of this. Discovery Channel. 10pm.
Lawrence of Arabia This was pre-CGI era in filmmaking. If they made it now, there’d be even more camels but they’d all have to be wearing Intel T-shirts. (1962). Turner Classic Movies. 10:15pm.
Thursday, April 16 Backstrom Backstrom investigates a murder at a performance artists convention. From the performance art we’ve seen, he might think about declaring the whole place a crime scene. Fox. 9pm.
Lip Sync Battle Quick—get to a bathroom mirror. That Bon Jovi lip snarl is going to take you places! Spike TV. 9pm.
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