Early Bloomers

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“Totally fucked.”

That, dear readers, sums up the teen angst expressed via song in Spring Awakening, Marin Musical Theatre Company’s latest offering. It runs at the NTC Playhouse in Novato through March 16.

Based on German playwright Frank Wedekind’s controversial 1891 play that dealt frankly with teenage sexuality, playwright Steven Sater and musician Duncan Sheik collaborated on a musical adaptation in 2006 that took Broadway by storm and received eight Tony Awards including Best Musical.

It’s 1891 and the young citizens of a provincial German town are dealing with oblivious and abusive parents and cruel schoolmasters. Wendla (Claudia Shapiro) can’t get her mother to explain the facts of life. Moritz (Tyler Gable), an intense young man stressed out by scholastic pressures, has been having strange dreams and seeks counsel from his thoughtful friend Melchior (Ryan Hook). Melchior shares the knowledge of human sexuality he’s gleaned from books, but Moritz stops him, asking him to write the information down—complete with illustrations. The contents of that pamphlet lead to tragedy for Moritz, Melchior and Wendla.

Wedekind’s treatise against repression wasn’t performed until 15 years after it was written, and then heavily censored when not outright banned. The powers that be weren’t ready for a play that had explicit scenes involving masturbation (lots of masturbation), child abuse, sado-masochism, suicide and sex of a questionably consensual nature.

Director Jenny Boynton has assembled an excellent cast. Hook is outstanding as the inquisitive and rebellious Melchior. Gable is a bit over-the-top as Moritz, but really scores in the character’s quieter, more reflective moments. A health issue led Claudia Shapiro to leave the role of Wendla at intermission on opening night and was replaced by Emily Dwyer. Both were impressive.

Music director Jake Gale and a six-piece band provide excellent support for the vocal work in songs such as “The Bitch of Living,” “My Junk,” “The Word of Your Body” and the aforementioned “Totally Fucked.” There’s some interesting dance work by Daniela Myers and Jennifer Daine, choreographed by Katie Wickes.

MMTC’s Spring Awakening is a terrific production designed to connect with younger, contemporary audiences on their terms, and succeeds, gloriously. Theater-goers expecting a teen musical along the lines of Bye Bye Birdie will be aghast.

Marin Musical Theatre Company’s ‘Spring Awakening’ runs through March 16 at the Novato Theater Company Playhouse, 5420 Nave Drive, Ste. C, Novato. Dates and times vary. $27–$50. 800.838.3006. marinmusicals.org.

Rhythm Rustler

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“My older brother was the only white kid in an all-Filipino gang in Vallejo,” says Kevin Russell, in one of the most unexpected openings to an interview about music ever.

Yet, Russell explains, in addition to cruising the streets of the East Bay in the ’60s, his brother and the gang would come over and play music in the Russells’ living room, rocking the hits from Elvis and Johnny Cash in spirited jam sessions.

Attracted to his brother’s guitar at a young age, Russell had to wait his turn. “There was only room for one guitar player in the house,” he says. So he took up drums first.

By the time he left home, Russell finally got his hands on a guitar and started playing traditional bluegrass, folk, country, rock ’n’ roll, and everything in between.

The rest is history. For over 30 years, Russell has played in groups like the soulful country band Modern Hicks, blues-rock outfit the Rhythm Rangers and Americana act Laughing Gravy, as well as fronting his own ensembles, the bluegrass-centric Kevin Russell & His So Called Friends and his current country and rockabilly band, Kevin Russell & Some Dangerous Friends, who play the Rancho Nicasio on March 10 in a release show for the group’s new live album.

Featuring 12 tracks recorded at the spur of the moment last November while the band played a set at Lagunitas Tap Room in Petaluma, the live album features cuts from country’s biggest stars as played by the six-piece band.

In addition to Russell’s guitars and laid-back vocals, the group features guitarist Sean Allen (the Jones Gang), singer Maria Nguyen (Twang Ditty), longtime Nashville-based vocalist and bassist Markie Sanders, drummer and educator Rick Cutler and multi-instrumentalist Steve Della Maggiora.

“The trick is to surround yourself with extremely talented musicians,” says Russell. “These guys are so good that they make me sound great.”

Whether they’re swaying to Loretta Lynn’s “Blue Kentucky Girl,” harmonizing on Merle Haggard’s “Running Kind” or shaking things up on Carl Perkins’ “Restless,” the band’s live shows always end up with audiences dancing along, and that energy is perfectly captured on the live album.

“I just want to surround myself with music as much as possible,” says Russell. “That’s what it’s all about.”

Kevin Russell & Some Dangerous Friends play on Sunday, March 10, at Rancho Nicasio, 1 Old Rancheria Road, Nicasio. 5pm. No Cover. 415.662.2219.

Letters

How about if only minks wear mink fur?

Ban Fur

As we know, people all over the world, and perhaps especially in California, care about animals. In 2018, the citizens of this state overwhelmingly voted, for the second time, to protect animals raised for food. Numerous pieces of legislation have been passed at both the state and local level to protect companion animals.

And the state is now moving quickly to ban the sale of fur. In just the last couple of years, Berkeley, San Francisco and Los Angeles have passed measures banning its sale. Currently, San Diego residents are working on passing their own fur ban. I am writing to urge everyone to contact their state representatives and support AB 44, the bill to ban the sale of fur in California.

The fur industry is extremely cruel to animals. Minks, who are wild animals, who love to roam great distances and who were designed by nature to swim, are housed in tiny filthy cages. They are commonly driven insane by the misery and will even chew off their own limbs or kill their babies. The slaughtering process is gruesome, with animals either orally or anally electrocuted. Sometimes they are suffocated or, in China, beaten to death or even skinned alive.

There are no federal regulations to protect animals raised for fur in the United States. China, where a lot of fur comes from, does nothing to regulate its industry. Please join us in the fight to legitimize and normalize compassion for all animals, including those raised for their fur, and support AB 44.

Doug Moeller, Santa Rosa

Hero & Zero

A wacko wino swiped six bottles of swanky wine from the Good Earth in Tam Valley and fled on foot last Monday. With a price tag of about $100 per bottle, a store manager became determined to return the high-end grape juice to its rightful rack and gave chase.

Don Black, a maintenance employee on a break, saw his boss running and decided to help. Two supervisors joined them and they finally caught up with the crook when he stopped in the adjoining parking lot near Walgreen’s.

Out of breath from his getaway sprint, he huffed, puffed and cursed at his pursuers. “He had an attitude problem,” said Don.

Undeterred, the grocery store staff demanded he give back the wine. In addition to handing over the bottles stashed in the two bags he carried, he pulled another out of his shirt and one more out of his jacket.

The zero then yelled at them to let him go. Without using brute force, they couldn’t detain him and watched him trot away.

Thinking quickly, Don turned on his phone’s video camera and ran after the bandit, who crept around the corner and disappeared near Domino’s. Don hid patiently in the parking lot, waiting for him to come out. Woo-hoo! Caught on video. Successful in obtaining clear images of him, the dedicated employee went back to the Good Earth and provided the evidence to a Marin County sheriff’s deputy to assist in their investigation.

We toast Don for his keen instincts and initiative. “Watch out BevMo,” he says.

Hero & Zero

A wacko wino swiped six bottles of swanky wine from the Good Earth in Tam Valley and fled on foot last Monday. With a price tag of about $100 per bottle, a store manager became determined to return the high-end grape juice to its rightful rack and gave chase.
Don Black, a maintenance employee on a break, saw his boss running and decided to help. Two supervisors joined them and they finally caught up with the crook when he stopped in the adjoining parking lot near Walgreen’s.
Out of breath from his getaway sprint, he huffed, puffed and cursed at his pursuers. “He had an attitude problem,” said Don.
Undeterred, the grocery store staff demanded he give back the wine. In addition to handing over the bottles stashed in the two bags he carried, he pulled another out of his shirt and one more out of his jacket.
The zero then yelled at them to let him go. Without using brute force, they couldn’t detain him and watched him trot away.
Thinking quickly, Don turned on his phone’s video camera and ran after the bandit, who crept around the corner and disappeared near Domino’s. Don hid patiently in the parking lot, waiting for him to come out. Woo-hoo! Caught on video. Successful in obtaining clear images of him, the dedicated employee went back to the Good Earth and provided the evidence to a Marin County sheriff’s deputy to assist in their investigation.
We toast Don for his keen instincts and initiative. “Watch out BevMo,” he says.

Poisoned Milk

New in New York, poor, callow Frances (Chloë Grace Moretz) is just out of Smith College and devastated by her mother’s untimely death, when she finds a green leather purse on the MTA. Her idle-rich housemate (Maika Monroe) chides her for retrieving it when it could have been a bomb, but inside there’s identification.

The purse’s owner, Greta, lives deep in Brooklyn in a strange, forlorn brick house, enclosed from the street; the lady is a lonely woman who loves playing the piano. Frances befriends Greta, but during a candlelight dinner at her place, discovers something that points to Greta’s unstable mental state.

The young girl tries her best to drop her new friend, but Greta won’t go. She fills Frances’ cell phone with messages and shows up at the pretentious uptown restaurant where the younger girl works as a waitress. You’ll be flabbergasted to learn that the police can do nothing.

Like the Chopin and Liszt performed during the course of Greta, the film is well-played, invigorating, full of sentimental associations and a bit overfamiliar. When the end game arrives, it’s a satisfactory homage to a more genteel age of thrills. Greta is a civilized tale except for one ludicrously shocking scene, made to be greeted with a little pleasurable retching.

Pushing 70, Neil Jordan (Interview with a Vampire and the perhaps even better vampire flick Byzantium) knows all the moves. This is doubly true for his diabolical star Isabelle Huppert, once again playing an obsessed, homicidal woman fit for Poe. Now in her mid-60s, Huppert is not a tall or a strong woman. The physical menace has long fled, so we take it on faith that Huppert’s Greta has the strength to take down her prey and do all the good serial-killer stuff.

What’s inarguable is the intensity of her gaze: a radiance of hypnotic evil that age sharpens rather than weakens. It’s a matter of intent and conviction. Huppert is quite convincing in the moment where she loses her temper, tosses a glass of wine and then charges at the girl who betrayed her.

Greta is not as rich in detail as it is in some of the classic gaslighters. A frowsy private detective in a sharkskin coat (the great Stephen Rea) could have added a little color and funk. The quarrel between Frances and her wealthy father could have been deepened, to explain Frances’ unusual callowness, the fissure in her that allows the needy Greta to get a handhold. While the dream sequences have their customary scares—Jordan’s an expert at them—you’ll wait in vain for a final marvellous twist.

Truth be told, we should have been by Greta’s side from the beginning, just as we were in many other previous stories of Huppert as avenger. When Greta goes absolutely dancing mad, capering as she triumphs over a victim, it seems we should have been able to share this twirl with her from the beginning.

 

‘Greta’ is playing at select theaters in the North Bay

Family Jewels

Sprouting up like mushrooms after rain, frozen yogurt shops seem to have taken over every shopping mall nook and retail strip cranny in 21st-century America, including a quiet little corner on the western edge of sodden Sebastopol.

So it is a morsel of tasty, and, indeed, somewhat more savory, irony to learn that a failed fro-yo shop has been improbably replaced with a mushroom shop. Or is that “mushroom shoppe”?

The unfortunate venture might have done better than to open in November, speculates Wyatt Bryson, co-proprietor of Jewels of the Forest, the mushroom shop that popped up in its place. But it was fine timing for a business whose principal product crops out of the ground after a late fall rain.

The tiny retail space is dedicated to all things mycological, albeit in a limited and eclectic selection. Here are books, T-shirts, shroom-related baubles, edible items and even some disarmingly Old World–style hats and handbags that are hand-made from a kind of velvety-smooth mushroom by a craftsman in Romania, and wouldn’t look out of place on Radagast the Brown. Wyatt swears the hat won’t melt, like a mushroom, under the next rain it meets.

Back to those edible options: the real business of Jewels of the Forest happens beyond the swinging doors to the commercial kitchen where, thanks in part to the yogurt setup (plus $50,000 in extra renovations), Wyatt’s brother, Hunter, is cooking up a new batch of mushroom jerky, and Wyatt starts talking about the hard-nosed world of snack-food entrepreneurship.

These are hard times no more for vegans who love the taste of jerky but cannot abide texturized soy protein versions of meatless pretenders to the cured-meat category. Mushroom jerky is trending lately, as are all things mycelial, according to Wyatt. He got bit by the shroom bug eight years back while working in shipping logistics in Hawaii (he retains a habit of greeting emails with “aloha”), when he bought some used lab equipment off craigslist and began growing oyster mushrooms.

I’d never heard of this fashion of toadstool treat until I happened upon a booth they’d set up on a quiet backwater of last year’s Taste of Sonoma wine event at the Green Music Center. I was skeptical, maybe because of the bad reputation of the kind of dried mushrooms that are endured with a hearty slug of red wine, as a foul tasting means to a mind-altering end—or so I’ve been told.

But Jewels of the Forest mushroom jerky, which the Bryson brothers have named “Shroom Snack” in hopes of adding products, is steeped with spice and savory flavors—even though the organically grown oyster mushrooms do arrive in dried condition, from suppliers in Asia. The retail price, $8.99 for a 2.5-ounce packet, would be twice that if they sourced locally grown mushrooms, according to Wyatt.

After the mushroom pieces are rehydrated, washed, cut and sorted by Hunter, who has worked for Stark’s restaurants for eight years, they are fresh-looking enough, shining with juicy vitality. The mushrooms are cooked, principally for food safety and because raw mushrooms contain a hard-to-digest substance called chitin; treated to sesame or sweet chili seasoning with tamari sauce and organic cane sugar; and then put in the dehydrator. That’s the part that takes “some finesse,” says Wyatt, to get just the right texture—Shroom Snack mushroom jerky is gummy, and sticks to the teeth like very moist beef jerky, but the seasoning doesn’t stick to the fingers.

The snack was a hit at its debut a few years ago at a West County ethnobotany festival, selling out within an hour or so. “That was really our proof of concept and validating moment,” says Wyatt. To prepare for their next move, they’ve already attended a New York scale-up accelerator workshop, had “speed dating” sessions with venture capitalists, and are talking level one (or is it round two?) financing—it’s all a fast-moving blur in the reporter’s notebook.

The Bryson brothers also present beginner courses on growing mushrooms several times a year at Santa Rosa’s Finley Center. Participants get to bring home a bag of sawdust medium that will grow oyster mushrooms. Alas, there is no sweet scoops of frozen mushroom dessert in the pipeline yet, but who knows what will trend next: fro-oy?

Visit shroomjerky.com for more info, and to order Shroom Snacks.

Horoscope

ARIES (March 21–April 19) Genius inventor Thomas Edison rebelled against sleep, which he regarded as wasteful. He tried to limit his time in bed to four hours per night so he would have more time to work during his waking hours. Genius scientist Albert Einstein had a different approach. He preferred 10 hours of sleep per night, and liked to steal naps during the day, too. In my astrological opinion, Aries, you’re in a phase when it makes more sense to imitate Einstein than Edison. Important learning and transformation are happening in your dreams. Give your nightly adventures maximum opportunity to work their magic in your behalf.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20) The Danish flag has a red background emblazoned with an asymmetrical white cross. It was a national symbol of power as early as the 14th century, and may have first emerged during a critical military struggle that established the Danish empire in 1219. No other country in the world has a flag with such an ancient origin. But if Denmark’s Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen, who’s a Taurus, came to me and asked me for advice, I would urge him to break with custom and design a new flag—maybe something with a spiral rainbow or a psychedelic tree. I’ll suggest an even more expansive idea to you, Taurus: create fresh traditions in every area of your life!

GEMINI (May 21–June 20) On June 7, 1988, Gemini musician Bob Dylan launched what has come to be known as the Never Ending Tour. It’s still going. In the past 30+ years, he has performed almost 3,000 shows on every continent except Antarctica. In 2018 alone, at the age of 77, he did 84 gigs. He’s living proof that not every Gemini is flaky and averse to commitment. Even if you yourself have flirted with flightiness in the past, I doubt you will do so in the next five weeks. On the contrary. I expect you’ll be a paragon of persistence, doggedness and stamina.

CANCER (June 21–July 22) The otters at a marine park in Miura City, Japan, are friendly to human visitors. There are holes in the glass walls of their enclosures through which they reach out to shake people’s hands with their webbed paws. I think you need experiences akin to that in the coming weeks. Your mental and spiritual health will thrive to the degree that you seek closer contact with animals. It’s a favorable time to nurture your instinctual intelligence and absorb influences from the natural world. For extra credit, tune in to and celebrate your own animal qualities.

LEO (July 23–August 22) Between 1977 and 1992, civil war raged in Mozambique. Combatants planted thousands of land mines that have remained dangerous long after the conflict ended. In recent years, a new ally has emerged in the quest to address the problem: rats that are trained to find the hidden explosives so that human colleagues can defuse them. The expert sniffers don’t weigh enough to detonate the mines, so they’re ideal to play the role of saviors. I foresee a metaphorically comparable development in your future, Leo. You’ll get help and support from a surprising or seemingly unlikely source.

VIRGO (August 23–September 22) Imagine a stairway that leads nowhere; as you ascend, you realize that at the top is not a door or a hallway, but a wall. I suspect that lately you may have been dealing with a metaphorical version of an anomaly like this. But I also predict that in the coming weeks some magic will transpire that will change everything. It’s like you’ll find a button on the wall that when pushed opens a previously imperceptible door. Somehow, you’ll gain entrance through an apparent obstruction.

LIBRA (September 23–October 22) Not all of the classic works of great literature are entertaining. According to one survey of editors, writers and librarians, Goethe’s Faust, Melville’s Moby Dick and Cervantes’ Don Quixote are among the most boring masterpieces ever written. But most experts agree that they’re still valuable to read. In that spirit, and in accordance with astrological omens, I urge you to commune with other dull but meaningful things. Seek out low-key but rich offerings. Be aware that unexciting people and situations may offer clues and catalysts that you need.

SCORPIO (October 23–November 21) Many of you Scorpios regard secrecy as a skill worth cultivating. It serves your urge to gather and manage power. You’re aware that information is a valuable commodity, so you guard it carefully and share it sparingly. This predilection sometimes makes you seem understated, even shy. Your hesitancy to express too much of your knowledge and feelings may influence people to underestimate the intensity that seethes within you. Having said all that, I’ll now predict that you’ll show the world who you are with more dazzle and flamboyance in the coming weeks. It’ll be interesting to see how you do that as you also try to heed your rule that information is power.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22–December 21) Sagittarian actress and producer Deborra-Lee Furness has been married to megastar actor Hugh Jackman for 23 years. Their wedding rings are inscribed with a motto that blends Sanskrit and English, “Om paramar to the mainamar.” Hugh and Deborah-Lee say it means “We dedicate our union to a greater source.” In resonance with current astrological omens, I invite you to engage in a similar gesture with an important person in your life. Now is a marvelous time to deepen and sanctify your relationship by pledging yourselves to a higher purpose or beautiful collaboration or sublime mutual quest.

CAPRICORN (December 22–January 19) In 1997, a supercomputer named Deep Blue won six chess matches against Chess Grand Master Gary Kasparov. In 2016, an artificial intelligence called AlphaGo squared off against human champion Lee Sodol in a best-of-five series of the Chinese board game Go. AlphaGo crushed Sodol, four games to one. But there is at least one cerebral game in which human intelligence still reigns supreme: the card game known as bridge. No AI has as yet beat the best bridge players. I bring this to your attention, Capricorn, because I am sure that in the coming weeks, no AI could out-think and out-strategize you as you navigate your way through life’s tests and challenges. You’ll be smarter than ever. P.S.: I’m guessing your acumen will be extra soulful, as well.

AQUARIUS (January 20–February 18) At regular intervals, a hot stream of boiling water shoots up out of the earth and into the sky in Wyoming’s Yellowstone National Park. It’s a geyser called Old Faithful. The steamy surge can reach a height of 185 feet and last for five minutes. When white settlers first discovered this natural phenomenon in the 19th century, some of them used it as a laundry. Between blasts, they’d place their dirty clothes in Old Faithful’s aperture. When the scalding flare erupted, it provided all the necessary cleansing. I’d love to see you attempt a metaphorically similar feat, Aquarius: harness a natural force for a practical purpose, or a primal power for an earthy task.

PISCES (February 19–March 20) Who was the model for Leonardo da Vinci’s iconic painting Mona Lisa? Many scholars think it was Italian noblewoman Lisa del Giocondo. Leonardo wanted her to feel comfortable during the long hours she sat for him, so he hired musicians to play for her and people with mellifluous voices to read her stories. He built a musical fountain for her to gaze upon and a white Persian cat to cuddle. If it were within my power, I would arrange something similar for you in the coming weeks. Why? Because I’d love to see you be calmed and soothed for a concentrated period of time; to feel perfectly at ease, at home in the world, surrounded by beautiful influences you love. In my opinion, you need and deserve such a break from the everyday frenzy.

Telling Tubbies

Wine country tourism has “relaxing” in its mission statement, and the latest addition to the leave-your-troubles-behind premise is apparently a bathtub. But unlike the spontaneous soak you might enjoy in the home, recreational bathing is a carefully planned affair, and part of a nationwide soaking craze.

Urban bathhouses have been popping up this year in cities like Chicago, New York and Seattle. The format is a twist on the traditional Scandinavian, Turkish and Russian baths, with upgraded amenities and a better design.

In Calistoga, Indian Springs Resort has been offerings soaking experiences since its inception in 1910, and this year, two new options have joined the bathing movement.

They couldn’t be more different.

The Calistoga Motor Lodge is a decidedly retro establishment, with rooms lining the parking lot. The property’s MoonAcre Spa is reminiscent of films like The Road to Wellville, with a tile-covered room full of tubs and outdoor showers for mud treatments.

On the spa menu, you’ll find mud baths and salt-infused soaking tub treatments for $70. “Baths and soaks are a throwback to an earlier era of spa treatments, and nostalgia seems to be in vogue,” says Chris Hilburn, MoonAcre’s spa director, though bathhouses of the past “tended to be quite public, meaning you enjoyed your bath in full view of others.”

Hilburn describes the spa experience as “unfussy, friendly and whimsical,” perfect for younger audiences, though the spa enjoys a mix of age groups. Speaking of Millenials is unavoidable. “Millennials tend to prefer experiences,” Hilburn says. “They desire not just any experience, but something distinctive and separate from the mainstream.”

In Glen Ellen, the historic Gaige House + Ryokan underwent a refurbishment process in 2006, adding nine Zen Suites to the property. In those, granite Japanese soaking tubs were recently installed, outfitted with hinoki stools and ladles for cleansing before getting in. “Completely immersing yourself in these super-deep tubs is a tremendously relaxing experience,” says Sharon Rooney, director of PR for Four Sisters Inn, a group of historic inns, including the Gaige House, located in Northern and Southern California.

In addition to actual bathing, included in the price of the Zen Suite (starting at $438), Gaige offers forest bathing, a guided experience focused on immersing oneself in nature, at nearby Sugarloaf Ridge State Park. While soaking is on its way to becoming a nationwide trend, Rooney sees Sonoma County as its natural home.

“We find that many visitors choose Sonoma Valley precisely for the low-key vibe,” she says, “and it’s also presented in a relaxed way—no stuffy attitude, no need to pack stiletto heels.”

Soaking in a tub is a great stress reliever, but it’s worth noting another factor that may have contributed to the rise of modern bathing culture: while wet and soaking, it’s really hard to get a hold of your smartphone. What could be more relaxing than that?

Calistoga Motor Lodge, 1880 Lincoln Ave., Calistoga. 707.942.0991. calistogamotorlodgeandspa.com.

Gaige House + Ryokan, 13540 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen. 707.935.0237. thegaigehouse.com.

Advice Goddess

Q: I’m a 34-year-old struggling comic. My girlfriend is a 29-year-old children’s therapist. We’ve been together for a year. She wants to move in with me, wants me to meet her parents—adult relationship stuff that I don’t feel ready for now. I love her, but I live in a studio without a kitchen. I don’t even have a car. As a man, I want to be a “provider” for the woman in my life. She doesn’t want to wait.—Don’t Wanna Lose Her

A: On the upside, you aren’t without savings—there’s that jar with all the change that you take to the Coinstar twice a year.

Your reluctance to be all “let’s move in together and start a life over my hot plate” probably comes out of how (according to cross-cultural research by David Buss and other evolutionary psychologists) women seem to have evolved to seek men with the ability to acquire resources—that is, to “provide.”

Men co-evolved to expect this—and feel they need to rise to the occasion in order to get the ladies. In other words, you, as a man, are psychologically driven to feel unsettled when, in terms of sheer earning power, you’re just this side of living in your car.

This might lead you to wonder why, if you’re so wigged out about being broke, your girlfriend’s evolved psychology seems to be all “yeah, whatever.” Well, there was no such thing as “wealth” in ancestral times, so cues to the ability to acquire resources seem to point to mate quality. As I’ve written before, a woman’s seeing ambition, entrepreneurial thinking and high intelligence in a guy who isn’t exactly raking in the bucks may ring enough of her psychological bells to make him a choice.

A woman who isn’t yet in “let’s make babies!” mode might also be more open-minded than realistic. Think about the life you want, and ask your girlfriend to think about the future she wants, and then put your wants together and see how well they fit. Sure, comedy is a career that can eventually pay off, but for many, it never goes beyond driving around to do $50 sets in suburban Yuk-Yuk Huts. If it’s “babies or bust!” for her, consider how willing you’d be to trade your comedy dream for a dad job—the boringly stable kind with a reasonable weekly paycheck.

Q: My guy friend said my problem with men is that I keep forgetting who I am. According to him, I’m smart, beautiful, accomplished, funny and super-cool, but the moment I like a guy, I act weirdly needy and turn guys off. How do I change this?—Clingy

A: In presenting yourself to others, you’re like the world’s worst used-car salesman: “Fantastic deathtrap for the price! Just the thing to strand you on a desert highway and leave you crawling on your hands and knees over rocky, snake-infested terrain!”

Unfortunately, self-loathing is only stylish for about 20 minutes—and only if you are a newly Goth 13-year-old. Also unfortunate is a big long-standing error in psychology, overvaluing talking and undervaluing action as the way to change our default behavior. Granted, recognizing where you’re going wrong and how you could behave less counterproductively isn’t unimportant or useless. But research by clinical psychologist Stefan G. Hofmann and his colleagues suggests that taking action alone—without talk therapy—leads to dramatic shifts in thinking, including significantly diminishing “negative self-perception” and other counterproductive beliefs.

As for your tendency to go all needypants around a guy you like, ask yourself why you do this. Not the underlying reason, but why you let your emotions drive your behavior. People don’t think to ask themselves that, but as I write in Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence—my science-based book on how action is the key to emotional and behavioral transformation—“your feelings are not the boss of you.” In short, it isn’t how you feel that matters; it’s what you do.

When you’re around a guy you like, act in a way that serves your interests—like a person with self-respect, which is to say, one who has no problem walking away. (Be whiny to your friends, if necessary.) After all, deep down, you know you could get a man to stay with you forever—that’s what basement wall chains and bucket toilets are for.

Early Bloomers

“Totally fucked.” That, dear readers, sums up the teen angst expressed via song in Spring Awakening, Marin Musical Theatre Company’s latest offering. It runs at the NTC Playhouse in Novato through March 16. Based on German playwright Frank Wedekind’s controversial 1891 play that dealt frankly with teenage sexuality, playwright Steven Sater and musician Duncan Sheik collaborated on a musical adaptation in...

Rhythm Rustler

“My older brother was the only white kid in an all-Filipino gang in Vallejo,” says Kevin Russell, in one of the most unexpected openings to an interview about music ever. Yet, Russell explains, in addition to cruising the streets of the East Bay in the ’60s, his brother and the gang would come over and play music in the Russells’...

Letters

How about if only minks wear mink fur? Ban Fur As we know, people all over the world, and perhaps especially in California, care about animals. In 2018, the citizens of this state overwhelmingly voted, for the second time, to protect animals raised for food. Numerous pieces of legislation have been passed at both the state and local level to protect...

Hero & Zero

A wacko wino swiped six bottles of swanky wine from the Good Earth in Tam Valley and fled on foot last Monday. With a price tag of about $100 per bottle, a store manager became determined to return the high-end grape juice to its rightful rack and gave chase. Don Black, a maintenance employee on a break, saw his boss...

Hero & Zero

A wacko wino swiped six bottles of swanky wine from the Good Earth in Tam Valley and fled on foot last Monday. With a price tag of about $100 per bottle, a store manager became determined to return the high-end grape juice to its rightful rack and gave chase. Don Black, a maintenance employee on a break, saw his boss...

Poisoned Milk

New in New York, poor, callow Frances (Chloë Grace Moretz) is just out of Smith College and devastated by her mother’s untimely death, when she finds a green leather purse on the MTA. Her idle-rich housemate (Maika Monroe) chides her for retrieving it when it could have been a bomb, but inside there’s identification. The purse’s owner, Greta, lives deep...

Family Jewels

Sprouting up like mushrooms after rain, frozen yogurt shops seem to have taken over every shopping mall nook and retail strip cranny in 21st-century America, including a quiet little corner on the western edge of sodden Sebastopol. So it is a morsel of tasty, and, indeed, somewhat more savory, irony to learn that a failed fro-yo shop has been improbably...

Horoscope

All signs look to the 'Sun'
ARIES (March 21–April 19) Genius inventor Thomas Edison rebelled against sleep, which he regarded as wasteful. He tried to limit his time in bed to four hours per night so he would have more time to work during his waking hours. Genius scientist Albert Einstein had a different approach. He preferred 10 hours of sleep per night, and liked...

Telling Tubbies

Wine country tourism has “relaxing” in its mission statement, and the latest addition to the leave-your-troubles-behind premise is apparently a bathtub. But unlike the spontaneous soak you might enjoy in the home, recreational bathing is a carefully planned affair, and part of a nationwide soaking craze. Urban bathhouses have been popping up this year in cities like Chicago, New York...

Advice Goddess

Q: I’m a 34-year-old struggling comic. My girlfriend is a 29-year-old children’s therapist. We’ve been together for a year. She wants to move in with me, wants me to meet her parents—adult relationship stuff that I don’t feel ready for now. I love her, but I live in a studio without a kitchen. I don’t even have a car....
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