Hero & Zero

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Zero

There’s no hero today, because we need to fully examine our zero. I want to nix this ridiculous movement towards all-gender restrooms. Whoever came up with this idea wasn’t thinking clearly. Good thing I am. To demonstrate the issues and proper solution, I present to you my experience at the Strawberry Village Starbucks.

The bathroom was disgusting, with dirty floors and pee on the toilet seats. Adding insult to injury, my chosen stall was sans toilet paper. (Thank goodness for paper toilet-seat covers.)

Let me set the scene: The outer area has sinks and a mirror. The interior contains four small rooms, each with a toilet, but no urinal. As an aside, you can see the sink zone while seated in the café. (I checked with an architect on that one and he said it’s a big design no-no.)

The crux of the matter is that I don’t want to use the same bathroom as men. I don’t mean to offend anyone here, but men are pigs. Wait, I just disparaged pigs. Let me try this again. Men are slobs in the bathroom. Believe me, women didn’t spray pee on the toilet seats. Women always inform a store employee when there’s no toilet paper. And, frankly, I don’t want men hanging around the sink area when I’m primping.

To fairly assess the situation, I went to Starbucks on Friday and Sunday. Unclean, with pee on the seat both times. The second time there was toilet paper.

But, back to this gender-neutral stuff. I understand that non-binary folks or people transitioning need to feel comfortable in the restroom, which leads me to my idea: separate restrooms for standers and sitters. There’s no gender requirement; you simply choose based upon your bathroom behavior.

If you sit when you pee, come into my restroom. If you stand, go into the other one. The standers can make all the mess they want and the sitters won’t have a wet seat. Brilliant, if I do say so myself.

email: nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com
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Got a Hero or a Zero? Please send submissions to nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com. Toss roses, hurl stones with more Heroes and Zeroes at pacificsun.com.

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