Advice Goddess

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advice goddess
Amy Alkon, Advice Goddess

Q: I’m a woman who judges potential boyfriends by whether dogs like them. My friends think I’m crazy, but I’m convinced that my dog picks up on who a person really is. Is there any research on whom animals are drawn to?—Muttperson

A: Dogs have proved useful for sniffing out drug stashes, dead bodies and IEDs. How great would it be if you could dispatch your German shepherd Tinker Bell into a bar or party to sniff out the human minefields? “Naw … skip this dude. Serious intimacy issues.”

People will swear that their dog is a great judge of character—focusing on the, oh, two times he growled at someone they despise but conveniently forgetting all of the times that he snuggled up to their sociopathic ex. The reality is, research does not support dogs (or even chimps) having what they’d need to assess a person’s character—sophisticated cognitive ability humans have called “theory of mind.”

Theory of mind describes being able to guess the mental states of others—to infer what they’re thinking or intending. For example, when you see a man across the street get down on one knee in front of a woman, theory of mind leads you to figure he’s about to ask her something—and it probably isn’t, “Could I borrow a pen?”

That said, the ballsy little purse Cujo that growls at some Mr. Skeevy probably isn’t doing it out of the blue. Dogs do seem able to read even subtle aspects of human body language—like our tensing up upon approaching somebody we dread talking to—and they may respond in kind. However, dogs’ perception of people and the world is dominated by their exceptionally powerful sense of smell—estimated to be between 10,000 and 100,000 times more powerful than ours, according to anthrozoologist and Dog Sense author John W.S. Bradshaw.

Bradshaw points out that the types of people dogs are socialized with—women, men, men with beards, people wearing different kinds of clothes—make a difference in whom dogs snuggle up to and whom they snarl at. So, no, your dog is not a leg-humping background-checker. But she can help you see something important about men—if you look at how a potential boyfriend treats her: With patience or annoyance. And as I often advise, it’s also important to put some time between thinking that a guy is really awesome and seeing whether he actually is. It’s tempting to believe that you’ve found everlasting love, just as it’s tempting to believe that your dog is some sort of crystal ball for reading character.

Q: My boyfriend thinks there’s something wrong with me because of how much I sleep. I’ve always needed to sleep a lot (like, nine hours). I’ve been tested for everything, and I’m fine. Do some people just need more sleep? How do I get him off my back?—Duvet-Covered

A: OK, so you’re the love child of Rip Van Winkle and a log. Studies on identical twins suggest that our “sleep duration” (how long we tend to sleep) is between 31 and 55 percent “heritable”—which is to say factory-installed, driven by our genes.

Beyond your boyfriend not being tuned-in to the genetics, there’s a little-known feature of our immune system—basically the psychological version of that plexiglass partition in liquor stores in bad neighborhoods—that may be causing him to worry about your sleepathons. In addition to warrior cells being sent out by our immune system to attack bodily invaders, such as viruses, psychologist Mark Schaller’s research suggests that we have a psychological warning system—the “behavioral immune system”—to help us avoid being exposed to disease in the first place.

This warning system gets triggered by, among other things, atypical behavior—for example, sleeping far more than most people. To get your boyfriend off your case, you might tell him that being adequately rested is actually associated with lower risk of heart disease, obesity and psychiatric problems. In fact, it’s even associated with less risk of early mortality—despite the things that your boyfriend probably yells in bed: “Hey! You still alive? Should I call 911?”

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