by Rick Polito
Friday, May 22 500 Questions Most teenagers play this game with their mom every night. Nobody offers them any prize money. ABC. 8pm.
Bones The team investigates the case of a soccer mom blown up in her minivan. Apparently someone thought that “No Parking in the School Drop-Off Lane” didn’t apply to her. Fox. 9pm.
Not David Letterman It’s over. Let it go. He’s gone on to a better place. No Channel. 11:35pm.
Saturday, May 23 Back to the Future Marathon Including the one where Michael J. Fox discovers that he can go back in time and turn down the role in Teen Wolf. Spike. 7:30pm.
Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief A 12-year-old boy discovers that his real father was Poseidon and that he must retrieve Zeus’s thunderbolt to prevent a war of the gods. Substitute “Mom’s iPod” for “Zeus’s thunderbolt” and you’ve summed up the experience of most pre-teen children with divorced parents. (2010) TNT. 8pm.
Rain Man A shallow car dealer uses his autistic brother’s computer-like math skills to win big in Vegas. The film was noted for raising awareness of autism. It’s also noted for making blackjack look like a reasonable retirement plan. (1989) KQED. 9:44pm.
Sunday, May 24 All-day Rambo Marathon He doesn’t get a time machine. He’s taking, “Stop! or My Mom will Shoot!” to the grave.
National Memorial Day Concert Maybe somebody should tell them that it’s not Memorial Day until Monday. KQED. 8pm.
Monday, May 25 Saving Private Ryan Steven Spielberg takes an unflinching look at war in this chronicle of one unit’s experiences in the Invasion of Normandy. Since then, wars are more likely to involve “Saving Private Oil Interests.” (1998) American Movie Classics. 6pm.
Patton Pearl-handed sidearm, the knee-high boots, the riding crop. We’re not sure if George C. Scott is ready to lead the allied forces against the Nazis or try out for a Village People reunion. (1970) Turner Classic Movies. 7:15pm.
American Ninja Warrior Tonight’s qualifying round is staged on Venice Beach. So not only do they have to complete the elaborate obstacle course, they have to do it on Rollerblades while carrying a ghetto blaster on their shoulder. NBC. 8pm.
Tuesday, May 26 28 Weeks Later In the sequel to 28 Days Later, the zombies have been starved out and the government prepares to resettle England, erecting “Zombie-Free Zone” signs and mounting a public health campaign to discourage the consumption of brains. (2007) SyFy. 8pm.
Extreme Weight Loss Tonight, twin brothers face obesity together. Not only do they get professional support to lose the weight, but they get to find out which one Mom loves best. ABC. 9pm.
Death Race Inmates are forced to drive in a race where they are required to crash and maim the other drivers. Trade the cars for cubicles, and you’ve just described every tech company in the Bay Area. (2008) Spike. 9pm.
Wednesday, May 28 I Can Do That A variety show format challenges celebrity contestants to develop a new act every week. It’s like Dancing with the Stars only it’s Spinning Plates and Juggling Small Animals with the Stars. NBC. 8pm.
The Briefcase The reality TV industry goes dark and twisted with this new show, which gives two struggling families briefcases packed with $101,000. The families have to decide whether to keep it all, or share it with another struggling family. What they don’t know is that the struggling family they’d be helping out got the other briefcase. Then one of their children is chosen as a tribute for the Hunger Games. CBS. 8pm.
Nature It turns out that kangaroos are the coyotes of Australia, extending their range into urban environments. But unlike coyotes, they can pack guns in their pouches and run drugs for the mob. KQED. 8pm.
Thursday, May 28 Thor: The Dark World In the sequel, the Norse god must stop the Dark Elves from bringing about the end of the universe. He should really stick to the Avengers movies. We were rooting for the Elves halfway through. (2013) Starz. 4:35pm.
Top Gun Tom Cruise plays a hotshot pilot and Kelly McGillis is his strategic instructor in an extended infomercial for the military industrial complex. (1986) Sundance Channel. 6:45pm.
Dr. Who and the Daleks This is the 1965 version. The Daleks are rotary dial. (1965) Turner Classic Movies. 9:30pm.
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