ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Beware of what disturbs the heart,” said Ibn Mas’ud, a companion of the prophet Mohammed. “If something unsettles your heart, then abandon it.” My wise Aries friend Artemisia has a different perspective. She advises, “Pay close attention to what disturbs the heart. Whatever has the power to unsettle your heart will show you a key lesson you must learn, a crucial task you’d be smart to undertake.” Here’s my synthesis of Ibn Mas’ud and Artemisia: Do your very best to fix the problem revealed by your unsettled heart. Learn all you can in the process. Then, even if the fix isn’t totally perfect, move on. Graduate from the problem for good.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus social critic Bertrand Russell won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1950. He’s regarded as the founder of analytic philosophy and one of the 20th century’s premier intellectuals. But he went through a rough patch in 1940. He was adjudged “morally unfit” to accept his appointment as a professor at the City College of New York. The lawsuit that banned him from the job described him as being “libidinous, lustful, aphrodisiac and irreverent.” Why? Simply because of his liberated opinions about sexuality, which he had conscientiously articulated in his book Marriage and Morals. In our modern era, we’re more likely to welcome libidinous, lustful, aphrodisiac and irreverent ideas if they’re expressed respectfully, as Russell did. With that as a subtext, I invite you to update and deepen your relationship with your own sexuality in the coming weeks.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In her poem “What the Light Teaches,” Anne Michaels describes herself arriving at a lover’s house soaked with rain, “dripping with new memory.” She’s ready for “one past to grow out of another.” In other words, she’s eager to leave behind the story that she and her lover have lived together up until now—and begin a new story. A similar blessing will be available for you in the coming weeks, Gemini: a chance for you and an intimate partner or close ally to launch a new chapter of your history together.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some scientists deride astrology despite being ignorant about it. For example, they complain, “The miniscule gravitational forces beaming from the planets can’t possibly have any effect on our personal lives.” But the truth is that most astrologers don’t believe the planets exert influence on us with gravity or any other invisible force. Instead, we analyze planetary movements as evidence of a hidden order in the universe. It’s comparable to the way weather forecasters use a barometer to read atmospheric pressure but know that barometers don’t cause changes in atmospheric pressure. I hope this inspires you, Cancerian, as you develop constructive critiques of situations in your own sphere. Don’t rely on naive assumption and unwarranted biases. Make sure you have the correct facts before you proceed. If you do, you could generate remarkable transformations in the coming weeks.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As you glide into the Season of Love, I’d love you to soak up wise counsel from the author bell hooks. (She doesn’t capitalize her name.) “Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high,” she cautions. “They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.” I trust you won’t do that, Leo. Here’s more from hooks: “Dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love—which is to transform us.” Are you ready to be transformed by love, Leo?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Burrow down as deep as you dare, Virgo. Give yourself pep talks as you descend toward the gritty core of every matter. Feel your way into the underground, where the roots meet the foundations. It’s time for you to explore the mysteries that are usually beneath your conscious awareness. You have a mandate to reacquaint yourself with where you came from and how you got to where you are now.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It’s natural and healthy to feel both the longing to connect and the longing to be independent. Each of those urges deserves an honored place in your heart. But you may sometimes experience them as being contradictory; their opposing pulls may rouse tension. I bring this to your attention because I suspect that the coming weeks will be a test of your ability to not just abide in this tension, but to learn from and thrive on it. For inspiration, read these words by Jeanette Winterson. “What should I do about the wild heart that wants to be free and the tame heart that wants to come home? I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at night. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to be with you.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Louvre Museum in Paris displays 38,000 objects throughout its 18 acres of floor space. Among its most treasured 13th-century artworks is The Madonna and Child in Majesty Surrounded by Angels, a huge painting by Italian painter Cimabue. When a museum representative first acquired it in the 19th century, its price was five francs, or less than a dollar. I urge you to be on the lookout for bargains like that in the coming weeks. Something that could be valuable in the future may be undervalued now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian performance artist Marina Abramović observes that Muhammad, Buddha, Jesus and Moses “all went to the desert as nobodies and came back as somebodies.” She herself spent a year in Australia’s Great Sandy Desert near Lake Disappointment, leading her to exclaim that the desert is “the most incredible place, because there is nothing there except yourself, and yourself is a big deal.” From what I can tell, Sagittarius, you’re just returning from your own metaphorical version of the desert, which is very good news. Welcome back! I can’t wait to see what marvels you spawn.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Upcoming events may bedevil your mind. They may mess with your certainties and agitate your self-doubts. But if you want my view about those possibilities, they’re cause for celebration. According to my analysis of the astrological indicators, you will benefit from having your mind bedeviled and your certainties messed with and your self-doubts agitated. You may ultimately even thrive and exult and glow like a miniature sun. Why? Because you need life to gently but firmly kick your ass in just the right way so you’ll become alert to opportunities you have been ignoring or blind to.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Every writer I’ve ever known says that a key practice to becoming a good writer is to read a lot of books. So what are we to make of the fact that one of the 20th century’s most celebrated novelists didn’t hew to that principle? In 1936, three years before the publication of his last book, Aquarian-born James Joyce confessed that he had “not read a novel in any language for many years.” Here’s my take on the subject: More than any other sign of the zodiac, you Aquarians have the potential to succeed despite not playing by conventional rules. And I suspect your power to do that is even greater than usual these days.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it,” wrote Piscean novelist John Irving. In the coming weeks, Pisces, you will have the power to get clearer than ever before about knowing the way of life you love. As a bonus, I predict you will also have an expanded access to the courage necessary to actually live that way of life. Take full advantage!

Q: I’m dating a guy an estranged friend of mine was engaged to and dumped 25 years ago. She broke his heart. She’s been engaged eight times and married five, so I hardly think he was special. But some of my girlfriends say I’m breaking “girl code.” Am I betraying her?—In A Quandary

A: When you put your old couch out on the curb, you don’t get to make restrictions about who picks it up: “Free sofa!* *Except for that hussy Linda.”

It is cruel to take up with a guy who’s just dumped and devastated your friend. But this woman is your ex-friend, and they were engaged 25 years ago and she dumped him. Yet you are having “girl code” invoked on you.

“Girl code,” like “guy code,” is a deterrent to would-be mate poachers, powered by peer pressure. However, girl code tends to play out differently from guy code. Psychologist Joyce Benenson, who researches evolved sex differences, finds that males, from early childhood on, are verbally and physically direct with one another in a way girls and women aren’t: “Bro, that’s my girlfriend you just dissed. You’re gonna need directions to the ER.”

Women, on the other hand, are covert competitors, undermining rather than openly attacking their female rivals. Benenson believes this strategy evolved so women could avoid physical violence, which could harm their reproductive parts or leave them incapable of fulfilling their role as their children’s primary caretaker.

Women instead use sabotaging tactics like informational warfare—the threat of reputation-destroying gossip—and social exclusion. Referencing “girl code” is part of this, revving up a woman’s fears of being ostracized and creating a virtual moat around a man.

Unlike in the male world of “Fight Club,” where the rules are clear—“The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club”—the rules of girl code are nebulous, unspoken. Because women compete in sneaky and undermining ways, this nebulousness makes potential transgressions of girl code more dangerous and powerful.

So in deciding whether to continue with this guy, you should understand that there could be real costs for you for being thought to have violated girl code. Can you weather those costs? Is it worth it to continue with this guy? Focus not on what’s fair but on what’s realistic. Some women will talk trash about you—never mind the fact that the guy was dumped decades ago by a woman who swaps out her husbands more often than most of us replace the kitchen sponge.

Q: I’m a 32-year-old woman, and I went on one date with a guy I’d been talking to online. We have texted some since our date but haven’t made solid plans to hang again. He’ll text me and we’ll chat, and then I won’t hear from him for a week. The waiting is making me obsessive. I find myself constantly wanting to text him. I know I shouldn’t chase him, but the urge is strong. What’s going on?—Disturbed

A: Sometimes, when two people get engaged, the intended groom is the last to know. The guy asks you, “So, whatcha up to Saturday? Wanna grab a coffee?” And you’re like, “I thought we’d have an afternoon wedding. But coffee’s fine, too.”

It should help to understand that this sort of crazy—the intense desire to text him—doesn’t come out of some magical, mental love fountain within you. There’s nothing romantic about it—it’s just the mechanics of our human motivational system. Russian psychologist and psychiatrist Bluma Zeigarnik discovered that just as pressure in a machine builds up and needs to be released, tasks we’ve left incomplete seem to cause emotional tension—a sort of mental itching. This motivates us to do what we’ve left undone.

So, sure, you like the guy, but one date in, you’re dying to text him not because he’s “the one” but because you’re suffering through the emotional version of a really bad need to pee. Reminding yourself that it’s just psychological hydraulics might help you weather the discomfort of not texting and then be cool when the guy eventually calls: “Jason? Jason who? … Oh, right! Heyyy! Hold on a sec,” you say, as you descend the ladder and put down the glue roller you’ve been using to wallpaper your bedroom ceiling with huge, blown-up photos of his face.

Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years, and I’m still pissed off about stuff from five years ago. I’d like to get rid of these resentments. I know it’s not healthy for me or our relationship, but I don’t know how to let them go.—Stuck

A: So, basically, this is you: “I wish they allowed dogs in my building, but no biggie. I’ll take this thing you did in 2006 and make it my special pet. I’ll feed it raw food and buy it artisanally made toys and take it around in a stroller.”

On the other end of the spectrum from re-prosecuting relationship misdemeanors is forgiveness. Evolutionary psychologist Michael McCullough explains in “Beyond Revenge” that “forgiveness is an internal process of getting over your ill will” for somebody who’s wronged you and then “experiencing a return of goodwill” and “opening yourself up to the possibility of a renewed positive relationship” with the person.

Forgiveness appears to have evolved to preserve valuable relationships, but it seems contingent on our not being made repeated patsies, meaning we need to see that the offender won’t trample our interests again.

In line with this, research by social psychologist Ian Williamson and his colleagues finds that a reluctance to forgive can come out fear, including concerns by the victim “about how offenders will interpret forgiveness.” Basically, there’s a worry that forgiving could send a message that it’s open season for repeat offending.

Consider whether there’s reason to believe your boyfriend doesn’t have your best interests in mind. If you stack up his behavior toward you, does it suggest he doesn’t care about you? If this is old stuff and he isn’t repeating the behavior, maybe it serves you best to let it go. McCullough notes that a “lack of forgiveness for close, valuable relationship partners who harmed us in the past is associated with more anxiety, tension and physiological arousal. Know forgiveness, know peace. No forgiveness, no peace.”

If you feel your boyfriend’s a good guy but needs of yours aren’t being met, talk to him about it. That could improve things, or you could decide to leave if things don’t change sufficiently. That said, his changing may take more than one discussion.

If you see he’s making an effort, cut him some slack. Laugh at his human fallibility instead of taking it personally when he again leaves his toenail clippings in a tiny pile on the bathroom floor, as if they’ll magically float over to the trash can and fling themselves over the rim: “Goodbye cruel world!”

Q: I’ve been dating a guy for just over a month. He’s asked me to go with him to an out-of-state wedding several weeks from now, but he didn’t mention buying me a plane ticket. I think he should buy it because he invited me. Am I expecting too much?—Unsure

A: Chances are he doesn’t expect you to mail yourself in a really big crate or saddle up Hortense the limping mule and meet him there—just in time for the divorce party.

Should you pick up the tab for your ticket? I don’t think so—and not just because he invited you as his guest. Destination weddings in exotic places (or simply faraway weddings in dull and unglamorous locales) are not vacations. They are social obligations, big life events that are reinforced by the presence of witnesses.

Having the community as an “audience” to a marriage ceremony is thought by Matthijs Kalmijn and other sociologists to help reinforce a couple’s lifelong commitment. The ceremony is typically followed by an open bar, some fancy grub and a Beyonce cover band so the wedding is attended by more than the bride and groom’s teary-eyed relatives and a homeless guy who snuck in looking for free hooch.

Don’t let this question fester in your mind to the point that you’re tempted to snarl at the guy, “Hey, tightwad, you planning to pay for my ticket or what?!” Ask right away, something like: “What’s the transportation situation? How are we getting to the wedding?” There’s a good chance he’s planning to buy your ticket but didn’t think to make it clear. There are a number of reasons a person spends hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket, and it’s generally not so they can eat free cake with a bunch of strangers on the other side of the country.