Horoscope

ARIES (March 21-April 19): French writer Simone de Beauvoir sent a letter to her lover, Aries author Nelson Algren. She wrote, “I like so much the way you are so greedy about life and yet so quiet, your eager greediness and your patience, and your way of not asking much of life and yet taking much because you are so human and alive that you find much in everything.” I’d love to see you embody that state in the coming weeks, Aries. In my astrological opinion, you have a mandate to be both utterly relaxed and totally thrilled; both satisfied with what life brings you and skillfully avid to extract the most out of it; both at peace with what you already have and primed to grab for much more.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The Beat Generation of American poets arose in the late 1940s as a rebellion against materialistic mainstream culture and academic poetry. It embraced sexual liberation, Eastern spirituality, ecological awareness, political activism, and psychedelic drugs. One of its members, Jack Kerouac, tweaked and ennobled the word “beat” to serve as the code name for their movement. In its old colloquial usage, “beat” meant tired or exhausted. But Kerouac re-consecrated it to mean “upbeat” and “beatific,” borrowing from the Italian word *beato*, translated as “beatific.” I bring this to your attention, Taurus, because you’re on the verge of a similar transition: from the old meaning of “beat” to the new.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Scattered through the ordinary world, there are books and artifacts and perhaps people who are like doorways into impossible realms, of impossible and contradictory truth.” Argentinian author Jorge Luis Borges said that, and now I’m passing it on to you—just in time for your entrance into a phase when such doorways will be far more available than usual. I hope you will use Borges’ counsel as a reminder to be alert for everyday situations and normal people that could lead you to intriguing experiences and extraordinary revelations and life-changing blessings.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The Free Will Astrology Committee To Boldly Promote Cancerian’s Success is glad to see that you’re not politely waiting for opportunities to come to you. Rather, you’re tracking them down and proactively wrangling them into a form that’s workable for your needs. You seem to have realized that what you had assumed was your fair share isn’t actually fair; that you want and deserve more. Although you’re not being mean and manipulative, neither are you being overly nice and amenable; you’re pushing harder to do things your way. I approve! And I endorse your efforts to take it even further.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Many experts who have studied the art and science of running fast believe that it’s best if a runner’s legs are symmetrical and identical in their mechanics. But that theory is not supported by the success of champion sprinter Usain Bolt. Because he has suffered from scoliosis, his left leg is a half-inch longer than his right. With each stride, his left leg stays on the track longer than his right, and his right hits the track with more force. Some scientists speculate that this unevenness not only doesn’t slow him down, but may in fact enhance his speed. In accordance with current astrological variables, I suspect you will be able to thrive on your asymmetry in the coming weeks, just as your fellow Leo Usain Bolt does.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Virgo adventurer Jason Lewis traveled around the world using transportation powered solely by his own body. He walked, bicycled, skated, rowed, pedaled, and swam more than 46,000 miles. I propose that we make him your role model for the next four weeks. You’re primed to accomplish gradual breakthroughs through the use of simple, persistent, incremental actions. Harnessing the power of your physical vitality will be an important factor in your success.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Curcumin is a chemical found in the plant turmeric. When ingested by humans, it may diminish inflammation, lower the risk of diabetes, support cardiovascular health, and treat digestive disorders. But there’s a problem: the body is inefficient in absorbing and using curcumin—unless it’s ingested along with piperine, a chemical in black pepper. Then it’s far more available. What would be the metaphorical equivalent to curcumin in your life? An influence that could be good for you, but that would be even better if you synergized it with a certain additional influence? And what would be the metaphorical equivalent of that additional influence? Now is a good time to investigate these questions.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I have the usual capacity for wanting what may not even exist,” wrote poet Galway Kinnell. How abut you, Scorpio? Do you, too, have an uncanny ability to long for hypothetical, invisible, mythical, and illusory things? If so, I will ask you to downplay that amazing power of yours for a while. It’s crucial for your future development that you focus on yearning for actual experiences, real people, and substantive possibilities. Please understand: I’m not suggesting you’re bad or wrong for having those seemingly impossible desires. I’m simply saying that for now you will thrive on being attracted to things that are genuinely available.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in,” wrote Sagittarian novelist Jane Austen. I’m guessing you’ve had that experience—maybe more than usual, of late. But I suspect you’ll soon be finding ways to express those embryonic feelings. Congrats in advance! You’ll discover secrets you’ve been concealing from yourself. You’ll receive missing information whose absence has made it hard to understand the whole story. Your unconscious mind will reveal the rest of what it has thus far merely been hinting at.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): All over the world, rivers and lakes are drying up. Sources of water are shrinking. Droughts are becoming more common and prolonged. Why? Mostly because of climate change. The good news is that lots of people are responding to the crisis with alacrity. Among them is an engineer in India named Ramveer Tanwar. Since 2014, he has organized efforts leading to the rejuvenation of 12twelve dead lakes and ponds. I propose we make him your role model for the coming weeks. I hope he will inspire you to engage in idealistic pursuits that benefit other people. And I hope you’ll be motivated to foster fluidity and flow and wetness everywhere you go. The astrological time is ripe for such activities.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A blogger named Caramelizee offered her definition of elegance: “Bbeing proud of both your feminine and masculine qualities; seeing life as a non-ending university and learning everything you can; caring for yourself with tender precision; respecting and taking advantage of silences; tuning in to your emotions without being oversensitive; owning your personal space and being generous enough to allow other people to own their personal space.” This definition of elegance will be especially apropos and useful for you Aquarians in the coming weeks.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You Pisceans have been summoning heroic levels of creative intensity. You’ve been working extra hard and extra smart. But it seems that you haven’t been fully recognized or appreciated for your efforts. I’m sorry about that. Please don’t let it discourage you from continuing to express great integrity and authenticity. Keep pushing for your noble cause and offering your best gifts. I’m proud of you! And although you may not yet have reaped all the benefits you will ultimately sow, three months from now I bet you’ll be pleased you pushed so hard to be such a righteous servant of the greater good.

Homework: Imagine your future self sends a message to you back through time. What is it? Freewillastrology.com.

In Trump They Trust

One of the most extraordinary developments of recent political history is the loyal adherence of religious conservatives to Donald Trump. Trump won four-fifths of the votes of white evangelical Christians. This was a higher level of support than either Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush (an outspoken evangelical himself) ever received.

Trump’s background and beliefs could hardly be more incompatible with traditional Christian models of life and leadership. Trump’s past political stances (he once supported the right to partial-birth abortion), his character (he has bragged about sexually assaulting women), and even his language (he introduced the words pussy and shithole into the presidential discourse) would more naturally lead evangelicals toward exorcism than alliance. This is a man who has cruelly publicized his infidelities and made disturbing sexual comments about the size of his penis on the debate stage. Yet religious conservatives who once squirmed at PG-13 public standards now yawn at such NC-17 maneuvers.

Evangelical used to denote people who claimed the high moral ground; now, in popular usage, the word is nearly synonymous with “hypocrite.”

Ron Lowe

Nevada City

Warning Signs

Since our basic human nature is compassionate, why is it that the practice of altruism is viewed by some as non-American? How can people support leadership that thrives on incivility, tribalism and business intentions disguised as government? It seems to me, when people are socially and economically disrupted, they become more vulnerable to being radicalized thus falling between the cracks. Warning signs against partisanship are being offered to us all, and like persons rowing upstream, they must heed the warnings, move forward, or fall helplessly and hopelessly behind.

Dennis Kostecki

Sausalito

Peace Plan

The following plan for world peace is my alternative to the dangerous and provocative atmosphere of anger in the United States that has created the widespread paranoia of Russian interference and collusion with President Trump. The current “balance of terror” with Russia, China, and North Korea demands that our nation abolish all of our nuclear weapons by totally transforming our dangerous and hostile rivalries with our current competitors into peaceful, cooperative and friendly alliances, alliances that will no longer keep the world fragmented into opposing camps of enemies, all of whom must continue to waste trillions of dollars and indispensable human energy in maintaining huge military forces and arsenals of thousands of absolutely destructive and suicidal nuclear weapons. These nuclear arsenals and other war preparations, if not ended, can only eventually result in a nuclear holocaust that will completely destroy the entire human race.

This would be an intolerable tragedy and absolutely must be prevented. And this nuclear holocaust can only be prevented by creating a cooperative and loving international community of harmonious, non-competitive nations that share the same planet through sharing our planet’s land and natural resources for the equal benefit of all people from all nations of the world.

Therefore, we in the United States must see that our patriotism and “making America great again” now mean exactly this change from the present state of international struggle and the continued danger of nuclear war to our becoming friends and allies with all the other nations of the world.

Rama Kumar

Fairfax

Bluesy Virtuosos

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Raised in San Rafael and now living in Novato, Rebecca Roudman makes her living as a cellist in the Oakland Symphony and the Santa Rosa Symphony. She started playing classical music when she was 7 years old, and after graduating as a music major in college, it was all classical music all the time.

“But classical music has never my first love,” says Roudman. “It’s been everything else; blues and bluegrass and rock.”

Eight years ago, she took a musical detour in that bluesy direction, teaming with her flutist-turned-guitarist husband Jason Eckl to form Dirty Cello a crossover smashup of cello strings and stomping blues rhythms that hit a note with Bay Area audiences almost immediately. “There was interest, people thought it was kind of cool and kind of weird,” says Roudman. “That’s the kind of people we are.”

Musically, Roudman’s biggest hurdle was learning to improvise on the cello during performances, not a skill that’s emphasized in classical training.

“It was an uphill battle at first,” she says. “Now, it feels natural, which feel good.”

Soon after they started, Dirty Cello expanded from a duo to a full four-piece band, and today the group includes bassist Colin Williams, drummer Ben Wallace-Ailsworth and occasionally vocalist and multi-instrumentalist Sandy Lindop.

This year is shaping up to be one of the group’s busiest yet. They’re currently preparing to release Bad Ideas Make Great Stories, their second record of 2019 after Bluesy Grass, which came out in January.

“It’s a pretty unique record because it’s made from personal stories of all our adventure we’ve been on,” says Roudman.

After a record-release concert at the HopMonk Tavern in Sebastopol, Dirty Cello again goes international, performing in England, Israel and Iceland over the summer.

“If people are expecting to see a classically-trained cellist playing mellow, smooth music, it’s not that,” says Roudman. “They’re going to hear something they haven’t heard before.”

Dirty Cello performs on Friday, April 26, at HopMonk Tavern, 230 Petaluma Ave., Sebastopol. 8pm. $13-$20.707.829.7300. dirtycello.com.

Hero & Zero

Hero

A group of jaywalking ducklings and their mama tried to cross busy Sir Francis Drake Boulevard in Kentfield last Saturday afternoon. As cars whizzed by, a good citizen attempted to prevent them from crossing, but they seemed determined to reach the other side. Fortunately, a Marin County Sheriff’s deputy rushed to the scene, blocked traffic and ushered the family to safety. Once on the other side of the street, the deputy and two citizens shepherded the ducks to a nearby pond, where they will live happily ever after.

Zero

It’s one thing to walk by a kid’s lemonade stand without making a purchase; however, it’s quite another to insult the lad running the shop. Shanna’s 9-year-old stepson asked if they could make a lemonade stand during spring break and she gave the go ahead. He felt excited about his first enterprise and Shanna felt thrilled to give him a childhood experience that most kids enjoy. Together they made the lemonade and the son baked brownies. Voila. A lemonade stand.

A customer approached the San Rafael stand and stared at the brownies for a moment. “Are these from a box?” she asked.

“I made them myself,” the boy replied proudly.

The moment began to feel tense. “They’re Ghiradelli chocolate brownies from Costco and he mixed them from a box, yes,” Shanna said.

The demanding customer rolled her eyes. “Well, no, then. I’m a chocolate snob and only eat homemade brownies made with high quality chocolate.”

With that, she turned and walked away, leaving the young fella crestfallen.

“If you can’t say something nice and supportive, don’t say anything at all,” says Shanna.

We say quit acting like a Zero at a kid’s lemonade stand. And, for future reference, most children’s ventures don’t dole out gourmet chocolate, so take your Godiva jones somewhere else.

Email your hero and zero suggestions to ni***************@ya***.com.

Hero & Zero

Hero
A group of jaywalking ducklings and their mama tried to cross busy Sir Francis Drake Boulevard in Kentfield last Saturday afternoon. As cars whizzed by, a good citizen attempted to prevent them from crossing, but they seemed determined to reach the other side. Fortunately, a Marin County Sheriff’s deputy rushed to the scene, blocked traffic and ushered the family to safety. Once on the other side of the street, the deputy and two citizens shepherded the ducks to a nearby pond, where they will live happily ever after.
Zero
It’s one thing to walk by a kid’s lemonade stand without making a purchase; however, it’s quite another to insult the lad running the shop. Shanna’s 9-year-old stepson asked if they could make a lemonade stand during spring break and she gave the go ahead. He felt excited about his first enterprise and Shanna felt thrilled to give him a childhood experience that most kids enjoy. Together they made the lemonade and the son baked brownies. Voila. A lemonade stand.
A customer approached the San Rafael stand and stared at the brownies for a moment. “Are these from a box?” she asked.
“I made them myself,” the boy replied proudly.
The moment began to feel tense. “They’re Ghiradelli chocolate brownies from Costco and he mixed them from a box, yes,” Shanna said.
The demanding customer rolled her eyes. “Well, no, then. I’m a chocolate snob and only eat homemade brownies made with high quality chocolate.”
With that, she turned and walked away, leaving the young fella crestfallen.
“If you can’t say something nice and supportive, don’t say anything at all,” says Shanna.
We say quit acting like a Zero at a kid’s lemonade stand. And, for future reference, most children’s ventures don’t dole out gourmet chocolate, so take your Godiva jones somewhere else.
Email your hero and zero suggestions to ni***************@ya***.com.

Flashback

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20 Years Ago

This Week

The American Society of [Daily] Newspaper Editors is meeting in San Francisco this week. They’re agonizing over why daily paper circulation has dropped like a rock over the last 50 years. There’s even a national pilot program involving eight daily papers, studying the loss of credibility. Those poor saps. The editors probably haven’t noticed that all eight papers are owned by chains. And newspaper chains have only one true goal: to make as much money as possible. (They aim for a profit of 25 percent or better.) So editors are told to slash costs. The product gets worse, people stop reading and the editors say they can’t figure out why. Duh.

—Steve McNamara, April 14–22, 1999

30 Years Ago

This Week

With one exception, the [animation] festival’s best films are ones seen here in previous collections, including this year’s Oscar winner for animated short, John Lasseter’s Tin Toy (from Marin County’s Pixar) and Cordell Barker’s Oscar-nominated The Cat Came BackTin Toy uses animated models and toys, with computer augmentation (if terms like “procedural animation” and “dynamics techniques” mean anything to you, you’ll understand more about the process than I do) . . . —Renata Polt, April 13–19, 1989

50 Years Ago

This Week

Shock troops for the concrete crew of Army Engineers came to Kentfield Tuesday. There to meet them in full battle regalia (Kentfield style) were hastily assembled guerrilla forces of the conservationists. Leading them was stylish, attractive and determined Mrs. Clinton Jones III, great-granddaughter of A.E.Kent, the man who founded Kentfield, and granddaughter of Congressman William Kent, Marin’s greatest conservationist and the man who donated Muir Woods to the federal government . . .

—Steven McNamara, April 16–23, 1969

Quite Contrary

The Eastertide story Mary Magdalene has an underpowered Rooney Mara in the title role as a girl of the lonely fisher-village of Magdala. She isn’t actually a harlot—this was a Dark Ages slander, but she’s the next worst thing; a daughter who disobeyed her parents.

Mary has a part-time career as a midwife. Her father Daniel (Denis Menochet) wants her to marry an established widower. The unwanted marriage causes the girl such torment that the community decides she’s possessed, forcing her into a watery exorcism at night. Alone and despondent, Mary meets a wandering rabbi familiar to us all. He comforts her, telling her he knows she doesn’t harbor demons.

At age 44, Joaquin Phoenix may be one of the oldest actors to play Jesus, and the choice for a sadder, aged Christ may be justifiable in a time and place where working people got old very early on in life. In real life, Phoenix was raised in a religious cult, and he has a deep understanding of both the grounded and the mysterious qualities of the role.

Australian director Garth Davis (Lion) shot this in the rock-strewn parts of southern Italy and Sicily, in a blue-filtered twilight. Johann Johannsson’s looped strings and pianos mirror the melancholiness. Chiwetel Ejiofor’s Peter is a lieutenant who never quite understands what Jesus is getting at. Judas (Tahar Rahim, very good) is the zealot, certain that it’s the time to strike against the Roman occupiers.

As always, one dreads how the story ends. Davis makes it bearable, as opposed to the way it went down in The Passion of the Christ, bypassing the trial of Jesus with the convenient action movie shortcut of knocking a character out and letting them come to later. The sadness of what follows outweighs the disgust. Mary Magdalene’s part is to sit and commune with her rabbi as he dies. In the background we see little clusters of families and friends, seated in their own vigils at the foot of other crosses.

Phoenix’s sensitivity overwhelms the callouses one has against the Greatest Story Ever etc., and the bruises one accumulates in a lifetime of dealing with hateful Christians. Against this mysterious poignancy, Mara seems a bit lost and underpowered. Despite this, there are intelligent and careful moments throughout, such as the suspiciousness with which the elder Mary (Irit Sheleg) looks at this traveling woman, and the way she confides about her son, “He was never really mine.”

‘Mary Magdalene’ is playing in select theaters.

Edible Complex

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Five years after Colorado legalized recreational cannabis—and five years after New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd had her scary fetal-position encounter with a Rocky Mountain state edible in a hotel room (she ate too much of a candy bar)—that state has raised an alarm over an emerging problem with ingesting edibles in unhealthy amounts, and winding up in the hospital with severe anxiety or other symptoms.

How is this problem playing out in California, which legalized marijuana in 2017 and is now offering recreational cannabis consumers a range of edible products that range from chocolate bars to gummy bearsto THC-infused soda?

In some measure, it’s a bit early to tell, say health officials and other experts. The state has only just embarked on legalization and the data is just starting to roll in to Sacramento officials charged with ensuring a safe rollout of California‘s ambitious legalization regime for recreational cannabis.

The Pacific Sun contacted some 50 healthcare providers in the North Bay, from the big regional hospitals to the small-town health clinics. We contacted paramedics and county health officials. What came back indicates that, if anything, this is an emerging story with scant detail from the state about the frequency of emergency-services calls and hospital visits related to cannabis use.

The survey of local healthcare providers, county health officials and emergency service revealed they don’t track the information. For example, Dean Fryer, a representative of Sutter Health in Sonoma County, says that the company does not monitor hospital admissions by cannabis-related admissions, and couldn’t therefore say whether they’ve seen a spike in edibles-related health issues since 2017.

“We have no way of really quantifying or knowing if this is an issue [or] if there’s a rise in admissions,” Fryer says. “It’s not tracked in that way.

Edibles-related calls for service do not appear to be tracked at the ground level, either. A representative of REDCOM Dispatch, the centralized agency which directs calls to fire and emergency service responders within Sonoma County, said the organization does not track emergency calls related to cannabis use.

Veteran emergency service officials in West Marin say that they have not seen any uptick in edibles-related calls since legalization took hold in California. For them, alcohol-related calls for service are predominant. Those officials amplify what others interviewed for this story have noted: Those who overdose on THC-infused edibles are often older persons who have not experimented with cannabis for some time—and are unaware that the cannabis they are ingesting has gotten far stronger since their youth. If anything, notes one high-ranking emergency services official in West Marin, young people are keenly aware that eating cannabis can be a far more potent experience than smoking it. And, say those officials, the handful of edibles-related calls they’ve gotten over the past couple of decades have not been for pre-packaged edibles on the legal market, but rather for an overly potent homegrown brownie or other food infused with cannabis.

Those edibles don’t come with the same degree of product information as is required under California law, including information about the potency of the product. But the state has struggled to square up its own regulations concerning THC potency in edibles, with conflicting regulations coming from two key state agencies—the Bureau of Cannabis Control and the California Department of Public Health.

Meanwhile, the production and manufacturing of edibles is overseen by one of the three legs of the California cannabis regulatory regime, the Manufactured Cannabis Safety Branch (MCSB).

But, says CDPH spokesman Matt Conens, the MCSB’s role is not to assess whether edible health-related problems are on the rise—but to make sure the products it approves are safe and properly manufactured and packaged.

In February, as California’s interim cannabis regulations became permanent—and as first reported by the Marijuana Business Daily—state regulators moved to update regulations in the edibles industry. Officials moved in when it was discovered that the CDPH and the Bureau of Cannabis Control had differing regulations concerning the amount of THC that an edible could contain.

The agencies in charge of regulating California‘s legalization rollout, noted the MBD, “issued seemingly conflicting rules detailing THC limits, testing and packaging for infused products. That caused some testing labs to unexpectedly fail products based on different interpretations of the rules.

The snafu caused great upset in an edibles industry worried that, among other things, the discrepancies could expose edibles-producers to lawsuits from consumers, reported MBD, claiming they were harmed because the THC limits printed on the packaging didn‘t reflect the exact THC contained in the product.

What this means is that localities are now sending their cannabis-health data to a state cannabis bureaucracy that itself may be in need of fine-tuning when it comes to allowable potencies in the products it is regulating. And, while the Office of Statewide Health Planning and Development is in charge of collecting patient data reported by hospitals (including ER visits and visits for cannabis poisoning) it’s yet to undertake an analysis of the data, says spokesman Andrew Diluccia, “and would not be able to provide any information/context as to why there might be rises or falls in cannabis poisonings. OSHPD does not have subject matter experts to address this issue. Also, the poisoning data does not contain how the cannabis entered the body (i.e., inhalation, ingestion), so there would be no data specific to edibles.

While Sonoma County “supplies all kinds of data to the state,it‘s also just getting up to speed on any edibles-related health impacts that may be afoot in the county, says Roshish Lal, the spokesperson for the Sonoma County Department of Health.

He notes that when the county eventually sends its cannabis-related data to the state Department of Health, “I don‘t know whether it will be broken down specifically—there are so many products.

The main barrier to tracking the problem is that California has not formally defined the symptoms of a cannabis overdose and has not created a system to record cases, says Matt Willis, Marin County’s Public Health Officer. Although medical providers are likely able to identify a cannabis-related incident when an individual comes into their care, they are currently unable to record it since the state has not defined the criteria.

The lack of state leadership has left county and city governments to attempt to track the problem on their own, he says. Many do not, but some are trying.

Six months ago, Marin Health and Human Services partnered with the county coroner to begin recording the level of THC during toxicology screenings in cases of accidental deaths.

“We are unlikely to have the same quality of data as Colorado does until we build a system to collect it,” says Willis, who adds that his department is also discussing ways of tracking cases in Marin County’s three emergency rooms.

If there has been an increase in the number of overdoses, Willis expects that it is due to the potency of cannabis since legalization. Legislators may be operating under outdated assumptions about the strength of the product; edibles are particularly dangerous because those experimenting with them may take a second or third dose while waiting for the drug to take effect.

While cannabis products are unlikely to be fatal on their own in the same way opioids and other drugs can be, Willis says he is concerned that the rate of DUIs because of cannabis use could increase.

Cannabis-related health issues are showing up in the South Bay since legalization, says Dr. Greg Whitley, chief medical officer at Dominican Hospital in Santa Cruz. The symptoms that users most often come in with, Whitley explains, include severe anxiety, vomiting, an exacerbation of asthma or emphysema—and severe intoxication. “Those people can come in with symptoms of just basically feeling really, really stoned—off-balance, difficulty walking, dizziness,” he says, and often it‘s as a result of over-consumption of edibles. “Sometimes people are lethargic,adds Whitley, who’s worked at Dominican since 2001 and served as the emergency room‘s medical director until taking his new position April 1. Sometimes people look like they’re having a stroke because they’ve had basically an overdose of THC.”

Whitley also noted, anecdotally, that over the past couple of years, the number of people coming to the Dominican emergency room with acute cannabis-related symptoms has skewed older. A decent-sized chunk of the patients, he reports, have included fathers and grandfathers who‘ve gotten into a family member’s pot brownies without realizing there might be any special ingredients.

And Whitley echoes the West Marin emergency services officials when he notes that lots of times, its older people who are surprised at the enhanced potency of the cannabis they are ingesting.

Additional reporting: Jacob Pierce

Advice Goddess

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Q: I’m a married lesbian. Yesterday on the phone, my wife invited her sister to spend the night (in our small one-bedroom apartment) without asking me. When I confronted her, saying it’s OUR home, she said, “It’s my sister!” Family’s very important to her, and her sister didn’t come, so I let it go. But what’s the protocol with guests, specifically family?—Feelings Ignored

A: To err is human—as is the tendency to duck personal responsibility like it’s a shoulder-fired missile.

We have a powerful drive to be consistent—to have our actions match what we claim to stand for. We are also frequently inconsistent. Welcome to “cognitive dissonance,” social psychologist Leon Festinger’s term for the discomfort we feel when we hold two competing beliefs or attitudes or when our beliefs and our behaviors clash. An example of this (totally random!) would be the belief “I’m a loving, respectful, considerate spouse” and then the behavior “I just hauled off and told my sister our home is her hotel room—without so much as a courtesy ‘Hey, hon…?’ to my wife.”

Social psychologist Elliot Aronson, one of Festinger’s former students, found that we manage our inconsistencies through “self-justification.” This involves creating an explanation for our hypocritical attitudes or behavior that makes us look good: smart, honest, and 100 percent% in the right.

So (again, super randomly!) an example of self-justification would be a spouse who’s just acted like a singleton instead of a partner—who excuses it with “Family is everything to me!” instead of conceding “Whoopsy…got a little impulsive on the phone and forgot to run Sis’s visit by you.” (Just a guess, but you probably wouldn’t have been all “Sorry, but the couch is totally booked up with our unfolded laundry.”)

As for your question—“What’s the protocol with guests, specifically family?”—unfortunately, there’s no set of numbered stone tablets to answer that. In fact, as with so many questions that come up in relationships, the process of answering—not the actual answer—is what really matters.

I see this constantly in my work as a volunteer mediator (doing free dispute resolution for Los Angeles residents in the LA City Attorney’s office). Conflicts that turn ugly and escalate are typically the result of people pushing for “positions” without regard for “interests.”

Positions are our goals—the “what,” as in what we want another person to do (or stop doing). So, your position might be “I want to be asked, even just as a formality, before you tell somebody they can stay over.” Interests are the underlying motivations—the “why”: “I want to be treated with respect, like my feelings matter.”

In my mediations, I’ve found that positions that are deeply important to a person can become far less do-or-die when you tend to their underlying interests. This starts with framing whatever happened in, uh, flame-retardant rather than inflammatory terms. You do this by expressing your feelings—“I felt really humiliated when X happened’’—instead of making accusations: “You did this, you relationship criminal!”

Hearing feelings (instead of blame) allows you to empathize with each other. (HINT: You should actively try to empathize—and, in mediator lingo, “validate” feelings,” meaning let the other person know that you get where they’re coming from.) For example, in addressing this guest issue, you might’ve said to your wife, “I hear how important family is to you.” Hearing that you understand eliminates the need for her to try to MAKE you—meaning she can approach the conflict between you more like a loving partner than a “Thrones” swordsmistress, bent on turning the enemy into a human doily.

The beauty of dialing down from combat mode like this is that it enables you to engage in collaborative problem-solving—for example, brainstorming together to come up with ideas for how things could work regarding overnight guests at your place.

And finally, following the lead of parents with tantrummy children, you could preplan to say “Hey, let’s take a time out” when things get heated.

Art of the Matter

“The arts are not a charity, we’re an economic driver. We want to make that message loud and clear.”

So stated Gabriella Calicchio, director of the Marin Cultural Association, within the first several seconds of a high-energy town hall-style meeting April 2 at the Marin Center in San Rafael. The packed gathering was held to celebrate the recently completed first draft of the long anticipated “Arts and Cultural Master Plan,” and also to collect first-hand feedback on the plan.

Exuberantly titled “Arts Culture Action Marin!” the current 42-page plan is the result of two-plus years of work by the Marin Cultural Association and stands as an ambitious blueprint/roadmap that could have a profound impact on the future of Marin’s vibrant artistic community.

Pointing to a graph showing the influx of $76 million annually for Marin County—monies created mainly through arts-related jobs, arts-based commerce and the resulting tourism to the area—she described the new master plan as a game-changer.

“This plan is the beginning of a whole new way of thinking about and talking about the arts in the county,” said Calicchio.

How much weight the plan will ultimately have, and whether it will be worth the effort, is to be determined. The Marin County Board of Supervisors votes on the plan next month, and if it’s adopted—as it is expected to be—there will still be a number of major questions, namely: where will the money come from?

Those questions were on hundreds of lips as the meeting commenced and though spirits were high, the mood was a conspicuous balance of optimism and desperation. Currently, the plan stands as a kind of mysterious holy grail that may be the solution to everyone’s problems, but might just be a fancy way of framing and categorizing the many needs currently facing Marin County’s arts community.

The document (available at MarinCultural.org) was developed under the leadership of Calicchio with contributions from numerous local arts leaders, supporters and outside consultants. The grant-supported report cost $130,000.

Attending the town hall meeting were a who’s who of Marin’s art world: representatives of the Marin Symphony, Marin Theatre Company, the Mountain Play Association, Osher Marin Jewish Community Center, Marin Arts, Marin Open Studios, Actors Equity Association, local schools, arts and recreation departments, and numerous individual artists and arts supporters.

Calicchio’s opening remarks set the tone for a wide-ranging, two-hour discussion during which the talk rarely strayed from Calicchio’s underlying point: that Marin’s nonprofit arts community deserves to be thought of as a vital contributor to the county’s overall economy.

But without clear steps toward raising funds in support of the plan’s far-reaching goals, how useful is it? Calicchio suggested a potential arts tax, or perhaps a percent-for-art ordinance requiring developers to contribute a fraction of new building costs toward an arts fund.

Calicchio suggested it’s high time the county found new ways to support the arts.

“We have more artists per capita than any other county besides L.A., but there has never been a dedicated funding source for the arts in this county,” she said.

“Our public feedback indicates that a large percentage of Marin County residents would support a tax to pay for the arts,” said David Plettner-Sanders, managing partner for The Cultural Planning Group, a San Diego-based consultancy firm that worked on the plan. “So do know that your community is behind you.”

So what, exactly, is in the plan? And are there any clear ideas in the thing that can quickly deliver the goods to an arts community desperate for cash? The actual “plan” boils down to just a six-page list of strategies formed around three distinct, but vague goals.

The first goal, for example, is to cultivate and advance Marin as “an arts and cultural center.” The second is to ensure that Marin’s arts are “by and for everyone,” which seems to address a need for more diversity within the arts and those who have access to arts programs. The third goal is to sustain and grow Marin’s arts resources.

As for how such goals will be addressed, each one comes with a list of proposed strategies, but no clear path to implementation.

Under goal No. 1 (cultivating Marin as an arts center), the strategies include “supporting the advancement of Marin’s artistic identity,” while another suggests promoting an “awareness of, participation in, and support for Marin’s Arts and Culture.”

The four strategies accompanying goal No. 3—focusing on growing Marin’s arts resources—are essentially a breakdown of demographic groups (nonprofits, individual artists) and their needs (more space for arts, and more funding), with a loosely stated aim of increasing such funding for Marin’s arts community.

One attendee expressed concern that the plan did not include a commitment to working with trade unions in the county.

Another wants an end to legal restrictions on billboards and murals.

Another gentleman expressed alarm that shut-in veterans were not specifically named as part of those underserved communities mentioned in Goal No. 2.

But nearly everyone in the room had something strong to say about the lack of local money for the arts. The impression given was of an infinite number of Robin Hoods, eager to serve their targeted communities, all competing for the same small sack of gold.

“It’s a good beginning, a positive start,” said Bruce Burtch, a San Rafael-based arts consultant and the founder of the Marin Youth Poster Contest. “But there are a plethora of arts opportunities in this county,” he continued, referencing the numerous performances, classes, competitions and other programs that often struggle to find actual participants.

As for how the Art and Culture Master Plan will fit into solving such issues, the plan’s creators say it will be one step at a time. And the next step, according to Calicchio, is to take the comments collected at the meeting, combine them with public feedback generated through Marin Cultural’s website and then develop a definitive implementation plan. That document will be voted on by the Board of Supervisors May 14. Assuming they vote in support of the plan, a public launch party will then be held sometime in September.

Then, of course, the real work begins.

And clearly, a big part of that work—and the underlying dream buried in the vagueness and uncertainty of this master plan—will be in finding a way for Marin County to dig deep, get creative, and start paying for the big, vibrant, very hungry local arts scene the community so frequently claims to value.

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