An excerpt from TAXI GIRL, a novel by Maria Schreiber

Sponsored content by Maria Schreiber

On Monday, June 3, 1974, Tania and Dan began selling cartons of yogurt from a canopied, yellow bicycle cart on the southeast corner of Michigan Avenue and Erie Street in Chicago.

At 11:30 a.m. two weeks later, Michael Chappelle looked out the window of his third-floor office at the Michigan Avenue Retail Business Association. He lowered his gaze to the street below and caught sight of Tania and Dan at their usual spot on Erie Street. He called out to his secretary.

     ​“Virginia, could you come here for a moment?”

     ​She complied. Chappelle pointed at Tania, Dan and the cart.

     “Who are they, and what the hell is that?”

     ​“It’s a yogurt cart; they sell yogurt. They started about the time you went to Provincetown. She doesn’t wear a bra; the men love it. And the women call him Dreamy Dan, the Yogurt Man. Some guys from the other side of the bridge called to see if it was true.”

     ​“If what was true?”

     ​“That we had models selling yogurt at lunchtime.”


About fifteen minutes later, Tania and Dan held up a placard that read YOGURT–WHAT IS IT, AND WHY IS IT GOOD FOR YOU? Passersby stopped and gathered. The couple leaned the sign against the cart, and each held up a carton of yogurt.

     ​“It’s nutritious,” said Dan.

     ​“It’s delicious,” said Tania. She opened her container, scooped out some yogurt with her fingers and rubbed it into Dan’s scalp.

     “It makes your hair thick and healthy.”

     ​Dan took some yogurt from his carton and applied it to Tania’s face.

     “It makes your skin smooth and silky.”

     ​Tania smiled.

     ​“And it fights wrinkles,” said Dan.

     ​Tania put her hands on her hips.

     “I don’t have wrinkles.”

​     “And you won’t if you keep putting yogurt on your face.”

     ​Tania rubbed her tummy.

     “It’s good for digestion,” she said.

     Dan picked her up, tossed her onto his shoulders fireman-style and then asserted, “. . . and a good source of protein.”​

​     Tania raised her head and made a peace sign with her fingers.  

     “Here’s to peace, love and yogurt.”

     ​The crowd applauded, except for a policeman with MULROONEY written on his nameplate. Dan set down Tania, and they toweled off their faces and hair. A line formed to buy yogurt, and the cop moved in on the couple. He addressed Dan and took a side glance at Tania’s tits.

     ​“Can I see your peddler’s licenses?”

     ​Dan and Tania showed him the gold-colored metal medallions they had pinned to their shorts.

     ​“Well, you can’t peddle here.”

     ​“But we’re on the south side of Erie, not the north,” said Dan.

     ​“Well, you can’t park here.”

     ​“Why?”

     ​“There’s been a complaint; you’ve gotta move along.”

     ​Tania pursed her lips; tears streamed down her cheeks. Someone in the crowd yelled out.

     ​“Leave ’em alone.”

     ​The rest of the crowd took up the call.

     ​“Yeah, leave ’em alone. Leave ’em alone.”

     ​“Who complained?” asked Dan.

​     Mulrooney looked up to the third-floor windows of the Michigan Avenue Retail Business Association. Dan, Tania and the crowd looked up too. Michael Chappelle jerked back from his office window and closed the blinds.

On Wednesday, June 19, at 1:45 p.m., Michael Chappelle’s secretary, Virginia, put a caller on hold; she rang her boss on another line.

     ​“Tim Murphy from the mayor’s office is on the phone for you.”

     ​Chappelle leaned back in his Knoll Saarinen rolling executive chair. Well, well, well. Look who’s calling me, he thought.

     ​“Put him through,” said Chappelle.

     ​“Are you the guy?” asked Tim Murphy. Murphy covered the mouthpiece of the phone with his hand and called out, “Hey, Mary, what’s that shit they sell?”

     ​His secretary got up from her desk and walked into his office.

     “Yogurt,” she answered.

     ​Murphy took away his hand. “Are you the guy that got rid of the yogurt cart on Erie?”

     ​“Why, yes, I am.”

     ​“Listen to me, you dumbass motherfucker; it’s a long walk from here to there, and I don’t like being disappointed. I want that girl without the bra back at her spot, and I want her there tomorrow.”

     ​“And the boyfriend, too,” whispered Mary.

     ​“. . . and the boyfriend, too. You got that, asshole?” Murphy thrust the phone receiver into its cradle and, for a flash, saw himself driving the yogurt cart with Tania on the banana seat, pressing her nipples into his back.

At 2:30 p.m. that same day, Tania and Dan were at their parking spot on Ontario, holding up the placard that read YOGURT–WHAT IS IT, AND WHY IS IT GOOD FOR YOU?  

At 3:25, the couple started packing up. They had sold twenty-one cartons of yogurt and all but two bags of cherries; they still had four bags of raisins and nuts.

     ​“Better than yesterday, but not as good as before,” said Dan.

     Tania got on the bike, and Dan slid his butt onto the banana seat. She headed west. At the intersection of Ontario and Michigan, Officer Mulrooney blew his traffic whistle once, then signaled for them to stop and pull over to the curb.

     ​“Now what?” muttered Dan.

​     Oh shit, thought Tania.

​     Mulrooney took the whistle out of his mouth.

     “They want you back at your parking spot on Erie tomorrow; I’ll make sure it’s open.”

     ​“Who’s they?” said Dan.

     ​Mulrooney turned away. He headed back to the intersection and stood sideways to the cart. He pointed his finger at the couple and gave two short blasts on his whistle. Then he flipped up his palm and swung his arm past his chin. The whistle dropped from his mouth.

     “Move along,” he shouted. “Move along.”

For more of TAXI GIRL

Read the book for free at https://taxigirlbook.com/
Buy the paperback at Schuler Books or https://www.schulerbooks.com/chapbook-press

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Taxi Girl disclaimer

Much Ado About Something

There is an interesting conversation going on right now in the artistic community about where the line is between making a classic relevant and ignoring the original’s artistic intent.

Marin Shakespeare Company is plunging headfirst into that argument with its production of William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, which runs in San Rafael through July 28.

At first, the show seems to utilize a well-done but fairly standard “modernization” concept. The play is set in the Florida Keys of 2024. The soldiers appear in modern camouflage, reels are replaced with modern dances and swords become firearms. Even having gender-swapping roles is par for the course. Not standard is the addition of monologues that purposefully change important concepts within the play.

Academic arguments aside, director Domenique Lozano and their production team have put together an enjoyable show. Nina Ball’s set design is interesting, cohesive and, like all good sets, a character in itself. Costumes by Rebecca Valentino further the story while adhering to the rules of this adaptation and yet are individual enough to give important information about each character. Ben Euphrat’s sound design is fun without overpowering the actors. Though, as with many opening nights, there were numerous mic issues.

Lozano has also done a good job casting a solid ensemble. Lovers Hero (Diyar Banna) and Claudio (Tai White) are played with sensible complexity. Antonio is replaced by Leonato’s (Victor Talmadge) wife, Innogen (Keiko Shimosato Carreiro), who is actually a character in early editions of the play. Talmadge and Carreiro have great energy together. The shift from brothers to husband and wife works surprisingly well when handled by the two talented actors. Richard Pallaziol’s Dogberry is laugh-out-loud funny.

The stars of this show, though, are Johnny Moreno’s Benedick and Bridgette Loriaux’s Beatrice. While the two actors suffered the most mic issues, it never threw them. Both are well-trained, experienced and talented performers who easily handled the sudden need for projection. Their physical comedy never took away from the depth of their emotions, and their chemistry led to the audience spontaneously cheering the first time Beatrice and Benedick kissed.

There are a lot of great things happening on this stage. There is also much to be said about not performing problematic shows. But at what point is one disregarding the original artist? More disturbing, at what point is one sanitizing history?

Whatever one’s thoughts, this show is an enjoyable way to start the conversation.

‘Much Ado About Nothing’ runs Thurs-Sun through July 28 at the Forest Meadows Amphitheatre at Dominican University of California, 890 Belle Ave., San Rafael. Thurs-Sat, 7:30pm; Sun, 5pm. $15-$40. 415.388.5208. marinshakespeare.org.

Eco Art: San Anselmo’s Linda Klein

I first met Linda Klein at her home studio when she invited me to look at some of her art. There is nothing quite like hearing firsthand from an artist about their work. So while this isn’t a plug for Marin Open Studios, it might as well be.

What do you do?

I create ecologically themed artwork infused with recycled collage elements. Large mountain or tree scapes splashed with vibrant watercolors and detailed with locally collected litter and recycled junk mail. Finally, something useful to do with all that junk mail!

Where do you live?

After 10 years in beautiful Forest Knolls, I moved with my husband to the house he was born in, in sweet little San Anselmo.

How long have you lived in Marin?

Nestled in the beauty of West Marin since 2009. That makes it 15 years!

Where can we find you when you’re not at work?

I’m in my art studio or working in the garden a lot. If I’m not there, I’m usually hiking, road biking or walking with my 93-year-old father, who lives in San Rafael. I also enjoy local theater, and I’m an avid fiction reader.

If you had to convince someone how awesome Marin is, where would you take them?

When anyone from out of town visits me, I make sure they get a drive through Lucas Valley Road. I do believe it’s one of the prettiest roads in Marin County.

What’s one thing Marin is missing?

A bowling alley. Good wholesome family fun.

What’s one bit of advice you’d share with your fellow Marinites?

Be kind always. You never know what kind of struggles somebody else is going through.

If you could invite anyone to dinner, who would that be?

Barbara Kingsolver. She is such an inspiring and talented author. I feel incredibly honored to have my artwork hanging in her home.

What’s some advice you wish you knew 20 years ago?

Sometimes no response is the best response.

What’s something that 20 years from now will seem cringeworthy?

Colonoscopies.

Big question. What’s one thing you’d do to change the world?

As I sit here trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon… purchase less one-time-use plastic. If I could name two things, teach our young people to meditate in grade school.

Keep up with Klein on Instagram at @linda_klein_artist and at lindakleinart.com.

Nish Nadaraja was on the founding team at Yelp, serves on the San Anselmo Arts Commission and attempts to play pickleball at Fairfax’s Cañon Club.

Twin Cities Summer

Upcoming fun in Corte Madera and Larkspur

The Twin Cities of Larkspur and Corte Madera are at the heart of Marin County, making them the perfect place to meet up for summer fun in the sun (or shade).

Either way, these two towns are playing host to some incredible events this coming season, and there really is something for anyone on the hot days and short nights to come. So, this summer, grab those gals, guys or otherwise and hit up Marin’s Twin Cities.

But before jumping out to see the sights of Corte Madera and Larkspur this summer, take a gander at this here handy dandy list of upcoming events, shindigs and entertainment recommendations that can help get the ball rolling on whatever Twin Cities attractions are calling out this summer.

Corte Madera-Larkspur 4th of July Parade & Festivities

First up in the list of upcoming fun in the sun in Marin’s Twin Cities is the Corte Madera-Larkspur 4th of July Parade and Festivities. This iconic Marin County two-cities-wide party plays up all the best aspects of each place, bringing visitors from far and wide to enjoy the jovial 4th of July community spirit in style.

The Corte Madera-Larkspur 4th of July Parade begins at 10:30am at Redwood High School in Larkspur and ends at the Corte Madera Town Center. Those who come on out to celebrate Independence Day with other Twin City denizens will enjoy floats, music, entertainment, artists, a marketplace, food booths, activities for kids and much, much more. So, come on out and explore this July 4.

Friday Movie Night at The Mart

For those looking to enjoy classic films in Marin’s Twin Cities this summer, look no further than Friday Movie Night at The Mart in Larkspur. Alongside movie screenings, The Mart also offers dinner, nibbles and sips to go through their extensive and delicious list of Marin County Mart restaurants like Hog Island Oysters, Johnny’s Doughnuts, Souvla and so on.

Finding Nemo will play from 6 to 8pm on Friday, July 5, followed by more beloved movies each Friday until the end of summer. After Finding Nemo, the classic film lineup includes Shrek on July 12, Stuart Little on July 19, Princess and the Frog on July 26, Toy Story on Aug. 2, Up on Aug. 9, Kung Fu Panda 4 on Aug. 16, Monsters Inc. on Aug. 23, Frozen on Aug. 30, The Incredibles on Sept. 6, Encanto on Sept. 13, Luca on Sept. 20 and more…with movies continuing to show well into October. The Marin County Mart is located just across from the Larkspur Ferry Terminal at 2257 Larkspur Landing Cir.

Summer Music Series at Town Center Corte Madera

Anyone craving afternoon music in Marin’s Twin Cities this summer can attend the Summer Music Series at the Town Center in Corte Madera. These shows take place every Saturday afternoon from 1 to 3pm and will last throughout the summer, with dates spanning from July 6 to Aug. 31. Upcoming shows include Tom Finch on July 6, David Rocha on July 13, Rhonda Sauce on July 20 and Brian Francis Baudoin on July 27.

Corte Madera Summer Sunday Concerts at Piccolo Pavilion

For those who crave musical tunes that’ll make one want to get up and dance, look no further than the upcoming performances already well underway in the Corte Madera Summer Concerts Series. All guests need to bring to these concerts is themselves, since all the musical performances are free to attend.

The lineup includes The Sam Chase & The Untraditional on July 7, George Barrett and Friends on July 14, Spike Sikes & His Awesome Hot Cakes on July 21, Hattie Craven Band with Special Guest Alex Jordan on July 28, Ashleigh Flynn and the Riveters on Aug. 4, The Coffis Brothers on Aug. 11, Angeline and the Snack Machine on Aug. 18 and Danny Click and the Hell Yeahs on Aug. 25.

The Corte Madera Summer Concerts take place in Piccolo Pavilion in Menke Park from 5 to 6:30pm throughout the summer. These free-to-attend summer concerts are located at 205 Redwood Ave. in Corte Madera.

Book Passage Hosts Joseph Kanon, Author of ‘Shanghai’

Book Passage in Corte Madera is known to host some pretty incredible events, speakers and authors throughout the year. And this summer, guests can come on out at 6pm on Wednesday, July 10 to hear New York Times bestselling author Joseph Kanon speak about his new thriller, Shanghai. Kanon’s other books include Los Alamos, The Prodigal SpyAlibiStardustIstanbul PassageLeaving BerlinDefectorsThe AccompliceThe Berlin Exchange and The Good German.

Book Passage Corte Madera is located at 51 Tamal Vista Blvd. Visit bookpassage.com to learn more and explore upcoming workshops, author talks and so on at Corte Madera’s Book Passage this summer. Or for those who are feeling like a bit of adventure, consider taking advantage of the Twin Cities most uniquely Marin mode of transportation and take the ferry into the city—after all, the Ferry Building’s Book Passage is only a boat ride away, and it’s sure to host some awesome events related to books throughout the season.

Bastille Day at the Left Bank Brasserie

Vive la revolution! It’s Bastille Day in California, and Marin County can thank its beloved French fine dining institution, Left Bank Brasserie, for the occasion. Although all of the Left Bank Brasserie locations will be participating in Bastille Day celebrations, this centers on the Larkspur-specific celebrations.

Guests who attend Left Bank Brasserie’s Larkspur Bastille Day celebrations on Sunday, July 14 can expect staff ensembles and costumes, revolution-inspired menu features, a French Champagne feature and blue, blanc and rouge décor to match.

Also on Sunday, July 14 from 5 to 7pm, guests can expect Moët & Chandon Marie Antoinette Champagne Skirt Girls along with Moët & Chandon bottle tower and goblets, décor and the Gold Bar Cart, plus live music and entertainment. Left Bank Brasserie in Larkspur is located at 507 Magnolia Avenue.

These are just a few of the festivities Marin’s Twin Cities of Larkspur and Corte Madera offer this summer. So, get out and enjoy all these amazing events and many, many more in this seasonal push to get out and explore what’s happening just outside one’s front door.

Whether it’s taking in a show at Larkspur’s own iconic art deco theater, The Lark, or taking a stroll through The Village at Corte Madera, or just popping out for a Saturday morning at the farmers’ market in Larkspur, the opportunities for entertainment in Marin’s Twin Cities this summer are as endless as one’s own imagination.

Your Letters, July 3

Cold Shower

Apropos of your excellent “Climactic Climate” piece by Alastair Bland (June 12, 2024), I have my own hack for reducing carbon, saving water and improving personal health all at the same time: I’ve stopped using hot water completely in my showering.

I walk straight into a bracing cold shower, giving myself a strong shot of dopamine, which charges me with energy, strength and a sense of well-being. After wetting all over, I turn off the water and soap down, then rinse off with more completely cold water and am out of the shower after about five-plus minutes.

The cold-water-dopamine high lasts me a few hours longer, giving me an excellent start to my day. Further, I have not started up the gas-burning, carbon-producing water heater.

Try it; you will learn to love it as I do! I could never go back to the enervating hot shower. Personal, direct action, controlling our behavior, is empowering and the only immediate way to help stop climate change.

Daniel Keller

San Rafael

Climate Change

Earth burns

in all four corners

melted polar caps cannot quench its thirst

we’ve replaced running rivers

with dumped sewage,

forests lay bare

the remains of chopped down trees

as we suffocate ourselves

animals wander lost

in search of food

that we’ve stolen from them

Earth burns

as we sit in its four corners

continuing to turn over the coals

Bianca May

Rohnert Park

Fair Thee Well

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San Rafael

Marin County Fair

Taking place from July 3 to 7—this year’s Marin County Fair will have as its theme, “Make A Splash,” celebrating water, with events and exhibits focusing on ocean waves, conservation, sea level rise and marine life. A fine arts and photography exhibit, concerts, 28 free carnival rides, sheepdog trials, a petting zoo, pig races and nightly fireworks are all back. New attractions include the Butterfly Kingdom, a tractor pull at the pig racing arena, frisbee dogs, Latin Heritage Day and an expanded Fair Pride Day. Concerts include En Vogue at 7:30pm, Wednesday, July 3; the Splashback Music Fest from 3:30 to 9pm, Thursday, July 4, featuring tribute bands Tainted Love, Super Diamond, Petty Theft and Foreverland; Daya at 7:30pm, Friday, July 5 (Pride Day); Ziggy Marley at 7:30pm, Saturday, July 6; and Los Lonely Boys at 7:30pm, Sunday, July 7. Tickets are $25–$30 and available online. On July 3, special free admission is available for children 12 and under, seniors 65 and over, and veterans with ID. Marin Transit will offer free rides on all bus lines throughout the fair, and the SMART Train will provide late rides after the fireworks. Located at 10 Ave. of the Flags, San Rafael. Visit MarinFair.org.

Santa Rosa

Johnny Otis Art

Calabi Gallery invites one to experience the new music-inspired show featuring the visual art of Johnny Otis, the godfather of rhythm and blues. An opening reception is scheduled for 3 to 7pm, on Saturday, July 13. The exhibition runs from July 11 to Aug. 31. R&B and jazz musician Otis was also an accomplished painter, sculptor and cartoonist. The show also includes music-themed artwork by artists such as Pele de Lappe, Mike Henderson, Raymond Howell, Emmanuel Catarino Montoya, David Park and more, along with a selection of vintage rock ballroom posters. Calabi Gallery is located at 456 10th St., Santa Rosa. More information at bit.ly/otis-art.

Petaluma

The Heard Eye

North Bay funk/rock maestros The Heard Eye begin a monthly residency at The Big Easy beginning at 7:30pm, Thursday, July 11. The venue is located at 128 American Alley in Petaluma. The Heard Eye’s debut album, Funkalypse, continues to make waves nationally and internationally, with nearly 100 college and non-commercial radio stations across the U.S. having added the album to their rotations this past spring (not to mention over 200,000 streams on Spotify). This self-financed, self-produced and self-released album began as a remote recording project during the Covid lockdown and evolved into a glowing, growing star on the horizon. As German magazine Sonic Realms put it, “A storm is brewing in the world of music.” For more information, visit bigeasypetaluma.com.

Napa

Weber & Hill

Nationally known stand-up comedian Myles Weber returns to Napa’s Lucky Penny, teaming up with Jarrett Hill for a live show as they prepare to film a new special. Weber, a Vallejo native, who has racked up over 60 million views across online platforms, was featured on MTV’s Greatest Party Story Ever Told, and has two Top 10 Dry Bar Comedy specials. Hill is an artist, professor and award-winning journalist who has contributed to The New York Times, NPR, Variety, NBC News and CNN. He is also the co-author of the NAACP Image Award-winning book, Historically Black Phrases: From “I Ain’t One of Your Lil’ Friends” to “Who All Gon’ Be There?” The comedy begins at 7:30pm, Saturday, July 6, at the Lucky Penny, 1758 Industrial Way, Napa. Tickets are $32 and are available at luckypennynapa.com.

Born on the Faux Pas of July

When I met Ron Kovic

In one of my more embarrassing literary moments, Eugene Ruggles, a lauded local poet who haunted the halls of the then-single-occupancy-residence Petaluma Hotel, was behind the wheelchair of his mustachioed literary cohort, famed anti-Vietnam War activist and author Ron Kovic.

Kovic’s memoir, Born on the Fourth of July, had just been adapted into the Academy Award-winning film of the same title directed by Oliver Stone. It starred Tom Cruise as Kovic, who was costumed with an era-appropriate mustache, though unusual for the generally clean-shaven actor.

Suffice it to say, this was a lot of star wattage to unpack in front of Aram’s Cafe circa 1989.

I was familiar with Kovic thanks to Cruise’s film commercials, which I saw on cable TV. This is where I also became familiar with the work of Ernie Kovacs, the innovative 1950s counterculture television comedy pioneer whose shows were re-airing on cable’s Comedy Central. Like Kovic, Kovacs was similarly mustachioed.

One can see where this is going.

So, when I happened upon them near the cafe, Ruggles, always generous (and always, in my experience, a few sheets to the wind), introduced the Golden Globe award-winning Kovic to me in his staccato and slurred pronunciation.

I could make out the two syllables of the last name—opening with a percussive K and hinged on a V—but the vowels were lost on me. The man’s mustache, however, triggered something in my unconscious that bolstered my confidence (I was new to meeting celebrities then). So, I shook the man’s hand, looked him in the eye and sincerely thanked him for his contributions to comedy.

Kovic and Ruggles looked quizzically back at me before continuing down the street.

Moments later, a few paces along my merry way, I realized why.

Happy 4th of July.

(And happy birthday, Mr. Kovic—with belated apologies—and to my brother, who is getting treacherously close to 50!).

Daedalus Howell is editor of the ‘Bohemian,’ ‘Pacific Sun’ and a passel of magazines, as well as the writer-director, most recently, of ‘Werewolf Serenade’—more at dhowell.com.

Free Will Astrology: Week of July 3

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): The “nirvana fallacy” is the belief that because something is less than utterly perfect, it is gravely defective or even irredeemably broken. Wikipedia says, “The nirvana fallacy compares actual things with unrealistic, idealized alternatives.” Most of us are susceptible to this flawed approach to dealing with the messiness of human existence. But it’s especially important that you avoid such thinking in the coming weeks. To inspire you to find excellence and value in the midst of untidy jumbles and rumpled complexities, I recommend you have fun with the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi. It prizes and praises the soulful beauty found in things that are irregular, incomplete and imperfect.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You are coming to a fork in the road—a crux where two paths diverge. What should you do? Author Marie Forleo says, “When it comes to forks in the road, your heart always knows the answer, not your mind.” Here’s my corollary: Choose the path that will best nourish your soul’s desires. Now here’s your homework, Taurus: Contact your Future Self in a dream or meditation and ask that beautiful genius to provide you with a message and a sign. Plus, invite them to give you a wink with either the left eye or right eye.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Last year, you sent out a clear message to life requesting help and support. It didn’t get the response you wished for. You felt sad. But now I have good news. One or both of the following may soon occur. 1. Your original message will finally lead to a response that buoys your soul. 2. You will send out a new message similar to the one in 2023, and this time you will get a response that makes you feel helped and supported. Maybe you didn’t want to have to be so patient, Gemini, but I’m glad you refused to give up hope.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The Fates have authorized me to authorize you to be bold and spunky. You have permission to initiate gutsy experiments and to dare challenging feats. Luck and grace will be on your side as you consider adventures you’ve long wished you had the nerve to entertain. Don’t do anything risky or foolish, of course. Avoid acting like you’re entitled to grab rewards you have not yet earned. But don’t be self-consciously cautious or timid, either. Proceed as if help and resources will arrive through the magic of your audacity. Assume you will be able to summon more confidence than usual.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): All of us, including me, have aspects of our lives that are stale or unkempt, even decaying. What would you say is the most worn-out thing about you? Are there parts of your psyche or environment that would benefit from a surge of clean-up and revival? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to attend to these matters. You are likely to attract extra help and inspiration as you make your world brighter and livelier. The first rule of the purgation and rejuvenation process: Have fun!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): On those rare occasions when I buy furniture from online stores, I try hard to find sources that will send me the stuff already assembled. I hate spending the time to put together jumbles of wood and metal. More importantly, I am inept at doing so. In alignment with astrological omens, I recommend you take my approach in regard to every situation in your life during the coming weeks. Your operative metaphor should be this: Whatever you want or need, get it already fully assembled.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When Adragon De Mello was born under the sign of Libra in 1976, his father had big plans for him. Dad wanted him to get a PhD in physics by age 12, garner a Nobel Prize by 16, get elected President of the United States by 26 and then become head of a world government by 30. I’d love for you to fantasize about big, unruly dreams like that in the coming weeks—although with less egotism and more amusement and adventurousness. Give yourself a license to play with amazing scenarios that inspire you to enlarge your understanding of your own destiny. Provide your future with a dose of healing wildness.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Your horoscopes are too complicated,” a reader named Estelle wrote to me recently. “You give us too many ideas. Your language is too fancy. I just want simple advice in plain words.” I wrote back to tell her that if I did what she asked, I wouldn’t be myself. “Plenty of other astrologers out there can meet your needs,” I concluded. As for you, dear Scorpio, I think you will especially benefit from influences like me in the coming weeks—people who appreciate nuance and subtlety, who love the poetry of life, who eschew clichés and conventional wisdom, who can nurture your rich, spicy, complicated soul.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The coming weeks will be prime time for you to re-imagine the history of your destiny. How might you do that? In your imagination, revisit important events from the past and reinterpret them using the new wisdom you’ve gained since they happened. If possible, perform any atonement, adjustment or intervention that will transform the meaning of what happened once upon a time. Give the story of your life a fresh title. Rename the chapters. Look at old photos and videos and describe to yourself what you know now about those people and situations that you didn’t know back then. Are there key events from the old days that you have repressed or ignored? Raise them up into the light of consciousness.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In 1972, before the internet existed, Capricorn actor Anthony Hopkins spent a day visiting London bookstores in search of a certain tome: The Girl from Petrovka. Unable to locate a copy, he decided to head home. On the way, he sat on a random bench, where he found the original manuscript of The Girl from Petrovka. It had been stolen from the book’s author, George Feifer, and abandoned there by the thief. I predict an almost equally unlikely or roundabout discovery or revelation for you in the coming days. Prediction: You may not unearth what you’re looking for in an obvious place, but you will ultimately unearth it.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarius-born Desmond Doss (1919–2006) joined the American army at the beginning of World War II. But because of his religious beliefs, he refused to use weapons. He became a medic who accompanied troops to Guam and the Philippines. During the next few years, he won three medals of honor, which are usually given solely to armed combatants. His bravest act came in 1944, when he saved the lives of 70 wounded soldiers during a battle. I propose we make him your inspirational role model for the coming weeks, Aquarius. In his spirit, I invite you to blend valor and peace-making. Synergize compassion and fierce courage. Mix a knack for poise and healing with a quest for adventure.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): What types of people are you most attracted to, Pisces? Not just those you find most romantically and sexually appealing, but also those with whom a vibrant alliance is most gracefully created. And those you’re inclined to seek out for collaborative work and play. This knowledge is valuable information to have; it helps you gravitate toward relationships that are healthy for you. Now and then, though, it’s wise to experiment with connections and influences that aren’t obviously natural—to move outside your usual set of expectations and engage with characters you can’t immediately categorize. I suspect the coming weeks will be one of those times.

Homework: Who is the most important person or animal in your life? I invite you to give them a surprising gift. Newsletter.FreeWillAstrology.com

‘Kinds of Kindness’ is Kind of a Chore

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Here’s a quick “Test Your Entertainment-Biz Marketing Skills” quiz. How many aware, intelligent moviegoers wake up in the morning with the thought, “Gee, I’d like to see a really good allegory today”?

The obvious answer: None. Narrative films in the allegorical vein are generally one of the surest “morning after” conversation killers known to humanity. Leaving aside Star Wars, the complete Miyazaki Hayao filmography and anything by Carl Th. Dreyer, allegories tend to loom in the imagination as a dose of medicine. They are odd smelling and of dubious artistic value, but somehow are to be taken for our own good. The latest conspicuous example: Yorgos Lanthimos’ Kinds of Kindness.

Hot on the heels of last year’s sensationally digressive fantasy Poor Things, filmmaker Lanthimos—no doubt encouraged by Emma Stone’s Best Actress Oscar—decides to reunite Stone and co star Willem Dafoe in a three-part meditation on … uh … life itself, bafflingly titled Kinds of Kindness.

It’s an anthology of three shortish stories all starring Stone, Dafoe, Jesse Plemons, Margaret Qualley and Hong Chau, and co-written by Lanthimos with frequent collaborator Efthimis Filippou. Together they add up to almost three hours of screen time, triggering lots of head-scratching in the helpless audience. The adjectives “pretentious” and “obscure” barely begin to describe it.

Despite its title, Kinds of Kindness has some of the meanest points of view of any release this year. Is it ironic? Maybe, maybe not. In the first vignette, an item from the “Office Hell” file, a meek corporate junior executive named Robert (Plemons) is thoroughly humiliated by his inscrutably cruel boss (Dafoe) via intentional car crashes, ridiculous “gifts”—a broken tennis racquet—and the wicked machinations of femme fatale Qualley. Luckily—or is it?—Robert finds an ally in another car-crash victim (Stone).

And then there’s the case of Daniel, a mild-mannered but secretly kinky small-town policeman (Clemons again) whose life comes unglued, bloodily, when he starts believing that his wife Liz (Stone), survivor of a recent catastrophe at sea, is an impostor.

After absorbing these first two skits we begin to detect a thematic pattern amidst Lanthomos’ thickly applied absurdity: People controlling other people. Shades of David Cronenberg, The Twilight Zone or a low-wattage David Lynch imitation. Sexual eccentricity, a vital element of Poor Things, gets pasted into these latest stories almost absentmindedly, as if the director were meeting a pre-established quota instead of acting out an original creative impulse.

There’s another drawback. Within the costumed historical settings of The Favourite and Poor Things, Lanthimos was able to spin his tales of domination versus indomitable will in the ideal “long ago and faraway” framework, with extravagant visuals to match. By comparison, the contemporary life of pitfalls and subterfuge in sterile offices and bizarrely trendy homes in Kinds of Kindness seems dull and repetitive. The world is a corrupt and unjust place in all Lanthimos’ films, but the two period pieces make it look romantic.

Part three of the Kindness trilogy, comparatively speaking the strongest and most coherent, focuses on a deranged physician named Emily (Stone) and her tropical cult of corpse-revivers, constantly on the lookout for “uncontaminated” victims, dead or alive, on which to practice their dark arts. Like the evil Dr. Josef Mengele from Auschwitz, Dr. Emily is particularly interested in twins. She’s also fond of hot-rodding around in her purple Dodge Charger.

Into the mad doctor’s web fall a pair of identical sisters (both played by Qualley) and a pitiable dog called Linda. There’s also a bit of business about an empty swimming pool and an Orgone Box-style cleansing cabin at the beach. The film is drenched in composer Jerskin Fendrix’s forbidding solo piano and choral music, exactly what we’d expect from a cheap horror flick. In fact all three episodes could function as genre parodies, none of them nearly as much fun as Poor Things. Kinds of Kindness is more of a misconceived malpractice farce.

* * *

In theaters

‘Noises Off’ is On in Novato

The Novato Theater Company closes out its 103rd season with a production of Michael Frayn’s award-winning farce, Noises Off. The three-act comedy runs at the Novato Playhouse through July 14.

Act I introduces us to stressed-out director Lloyd Dallas (Mike Pavone), who has his hands full at the final rehearsal of a touring production of the British sex farce, Nothing On.

Dotty Otley (Heather Shepardson) can’t remember her blocking. Dim-bulb ingénue Brooke Ashton (Melody Payne) can’t act. Gary Lejeune (Diego Hardy) can’t control his jealous feelings. Hypersensitive Frederick Fellowes (Jeffrey Biddle) constantly seeks his “motivation.” Belinda Blair (Jane Harrington) tries her best to be a steadying influence. When he isn’t searching for a line, aging star Selsdon Mowbray (Wood Lockhart) is looking for a bottle. Overworked theater techie Tim Allgood (Sky Collins) can’t wait to get on stage, while stage manager Poppy Norton-Taylor (Rachel Ka’iulani-Kennealy) can’t wait to tell Lloyd some big news.

Act II takes place a month later as we get a look at the backstage antics during a matinee performance, and Act III takes us to the closing performance where everything that can go wrong does.

It’s a farce, so doors slammed, stairs tumbled down, sardines spilled and pants dropped combine with bruised egos, costume malfunctions, prop misplacements, missed entrances and various other set mishaps to doom the final performance.

Timing is everything in comedy, and director Carl Jordan’s excellent ensemble moves at a cracking speed. The NTC Playhouse is a relatively small space, so the action already has sped-up quality to it, as it doesn’t take much to get actors from place “A” to place “B.”

Set designer Michael Walraven’s multi-level, multi-door revolving set assists in making this show work as well as it does. While some floor-level, on-stage action may be lost to back-row-sitting audience members—one sight gag in particular—there’s enough going on in view everywhere else to compensate.

Cast energy, also an essential ingredient in a successful farce, never flagged during the show’s two-and-a-half-hour running time. As long as the show is, it never felt that long.

The ultimate measure of a comedy’s success is the amount of laughter elicited from an audience during a show. By that simple measure, NTC’s production of Noises Off proves successful.

It’s a funny show.

‘Noises Off’ runs through July 14 at the Novato Theater Company, 5420 Nave Dr., Ste. C, Novato. Fri & Sat, 7:30pm; Sun, 2pm; extra show Thu July 11, 7:30pm. $20–$30. 415.883.4498. novatotheatercompany.org

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