.Love Spectrum: Re-examining ‘norms’

By Marcia Singer

Kudos for publishing “Whole Lotta Loving” by Michael Giotis (Feb. 8-14 issue).

“Polyamory” is a topic fraught with misunderstanding and prohibition, entangled in religious, political, societal mores. And while we now recognize a “spectrum” for conditions like autism, few societies acknowledge the wholly natural spectrum of human sexual expression or gender identification, or the variety of love partners that may be enjoyed or engaged-in simultaneously or serially.

Instead, our taboos, our shaming prohibitions and punishments for deviations from tightly regulated “norms” (such as binary identification and monogamy) inevitably create an entangled affair for anyone whose leanings are to love and/or nest with more than one amorous partner at one time.

music in the park san jose
music in the park san jose

Devoting 30 years of study and practice in fields that define and facilitate healthy intimate relations, including tantra yoga, has fundamentally changed my outlook. I believe that as we humans learn to respect and be fully present for one another, love readily flows to where it belongs and longs to go.

Cheating or triangulating—adding additional lovers out of insecurity, neglect or spite—fade. As we embrace our anam cara, our soul connections, mono and poly-gamy marriage arrangements alike can be normalized.

Harems may become unnecessary (or legal)—or brothels, if we stop criminalizing prostitution, and diminish a need for it. Hurtful deviancies will wither as individuals’ real needs for love and nurture are actualized. Women, as well as men, may feel free to pursue multiple relations without fearing and encountering vengeful backlash.

Might we then envision a polymorphous “spectrum of loving?” Together, become less judgmental and more fearless about who loves whom, when and where, and in what ways? Everyone needs to love and be loved. Nature compels us to seek belonging, to feel truly appreciated. Our joys and sorrows compel a reimagining of what love really is, and a releasing what it is not: to open our hearts to love’s rainbow spectrum.

Marcia Singer, MSW, is the founder of the Santa Rosa-based Love Arts Foundation.

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