When I first heard about mirror weddings, I did a spit-take. But as I mopped my Jack and Coke with bar napkins and seltzer water, the whole thing became less comic to me.
Listen, we’ve all had sober conversations about self-care and self-love. Those concepts call into question our relationship with ourselves—are we compassionate with ourselves, or do we hate ourselves? So perhaps self-union is the true end and consummation of a self-love journey, where upon hallowed altar, we make a lifelong commitment to loving ourselves.
It’s not necessarily an alternative to traditional marriage, says Cristie Kiley. One must love and respect oneself before they can attract and receive love from others.
And what bigger love could we have? Who but ourselves will go the distance, match our freak, and share humor and all our secrets? … But there I am, writing my own self-marriage vows.
Let’s just say I had my head turned by this brave and bodacious young woman.
CH: I saw the beautiful portraits of your self-marriage on the Yuba River that you styled yourself. Cristie, could you share with us your self-marriage vows and promises?
CK: Yes! “I promise to no longer seek external validation—especially from men—in order to feel worthy and seen. Instead, I now give myself the validation, encouragement and reassurance that I need. I promise to accept and adore the majestic being that I am—all of my parts, the strong and the weak, the beautiful and the ugly, the vibrant and the muted.”
CH: This commitment to loving yourself lifted you up from a “rock-bottom” in your relationship with men?
CK: Yes … ( sharply exhales ) In our society, we are taught to be codependent, and we are taught to hate ourselves and always look for who will complete us or fix us. And … I was in a very dark place … seeking externally what is only accessible from within.
CH: I understand that on your self-wedding day, you gave yourself a rose quartz and diamond ring engraved with the words “self-love always,” which you wear on your pinky.
CK: Yes. It serves as a frequent reminder of my vows to myself…
Learn more: See Kiley’s wedding photos. She is a professional photographer, videographer, art director and stylist. Since her wedding, she has offered fantasy-inspired self-love and empowerment shoots alongside her traditional wedding packages. Follow this link, linktr.ee/cristiekileyLINKS.
