Sophia Balestreri lost her son to suicide in 2009.
“It’s unlike any other type of death,” she said. “It’s sudden. It’s shocking. People want to know why, and especially when it’s somebody young.”
While Balestreri and her family struggled with the devastating loss, she sought out personal health and wellness resources. Services existed yet were difficult to find. Balestreri realized she needed to advocate for her family.
Today, Balestreri advocates for others impacted by suicide, serving as program coordinator for the Felton Institute’s Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors (LOSS). Through a contract with Marin County, LOSS provides a variety of vital “postvention” services, including peer support teams that reach out to families directly after a suicide loss.
“Our team of peer volunteers brings resources to survivors,” Balestreri said. “We’ve been through the same type of loss, and we show people it is possible to live through this.”
Unfortunately, Marin needs these resources—the county has one of the highest suicide rates in the Bay Area. Over the last 11 years, 399 Marin residents died by suicide, the county reported on its suicide prevention data dashboard.
When three Marin high school students died by suicide in December 2017, it raised awareness among residents of the complexity of suicide and became a catalyst for change. Still, from 2018 to 2020, Marin’s suicide rate reached 14.6 per 100,000, compared with California’s rate of 10.5, according to the California Department of Public Health.
There are spikes and dips from year to year. In 2023, there were 25 suicides in the county, compared with 40 the previous year.
Kara Connors, the county’s senior program coordinator for suicide prevention, attributes a portion of the high rate to Marin’s proximity to the Golden Gate Bridge. The completion of the suicide deterrent net early this year has already significantly reduced attempts and suicides from the iconic structure, the Golden Gate Bridge Highway and Transportation District reported in July.
The Marin County Suicide Prevention Collaborative also aims to reduce the high incidence of local suicides. Launched in 2020 by the Marin County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, the collaborative implemented a strategic plan for suicide prevention though partnerships with public and private agencies, individuals and community action teams.
LOSS, the program managed by Balestreri, is part of the collaborative. Other partners include the Golden Gate Bridge Patrol, Buckelew Programs, North Marin Community Services and the Marin County Office of Education.
“Our whole charge is a collaborative to help build the competency of members of our community, to talk about suicide and learn about the resources,” said Connors. “It’s not a topic that people want to talk about. But when there’s a very public suicide, people say, ‘We’ve got to do something.’ Well, we are doing something. We’ve got our collaborative, we’ve got resources, and we’ve got a whole community behind this.”
Trauma and stigma make it difficult for people to discuss suicide, yet talking is the only way to reduce the shame surrounding it. An essential aspect of suicide prevention involves normalizing the conversation, enabling people who are struggling, isolated and feeling alone to ask for help.
Men and boys tend not to talk about their feelings, putting them at a higher risk. In Marin, males account for approximately three-quarters of deaths by suicide. The Marin County Suicide Prevention Collaborative has a Men and Boys Action Team, where participants meet to talk about substance use, suicidality and other topics in a safe space.
“We’ve heard from suicide survivors that there is shame right when they are having suicidal thoughts,” Balestreri said. “They don’t want to share that with anyone, so being with others in a supportive environment or just being with one person who can stand there in that very scary moment—the shame goes away, because now they’ve shared that with someone.”
Suicide warning signs include words, actions and feelings. Increased substance use, changes in appearance, withdrawing, not answering the phone or texts, acting recklessly, and having conflicts in relationships should be taken seriously. Some people become overwhelmed when they’re bullied, rejected or struggling with gender or sexual identity.
A person may not look depressed, Balestreri noted. The change in behavior could manifest as a feeling of peace or happiness. Trust your gut instinct, she suggested.
“You can use those signs as a door opener to a conversation in a non-judgmental way—‘I’m worried about you,’” Connors said.
Connors recommends asking directly whether the person is thinking about suicide. The next steps include listening, validating and getting help. Always follow up with, “I’m staying with you.”
And then connect to resources, such as 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, a mobile crisis team or therapist.
Holding public meetings every other month, the Marin County Suicide Prevention Collaborative provides a wealth of information and a supportive setting for anyone touched by suicide. In addition to the Men and Boys Action Team, the collaborative has six other community teams open to the public.
LOSS also hosts two support groups, one for youth who have lost a loved one to suicide and an adult group for those who have attempted suicide. The ripple effect of suicide is far-reaching.
“Some research indicates that for every suicide, 135 people are impacted,” Connors said.
On Saturday, Nov. 23, LOSS and other partners of the Marin County Suicide Prevention Collaborative will host International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. The event offers suicide loss survivors a time to connect with each other and honor the loved ones they’ve lost. It takes place from 1 to 3:30pm at the Marin County Office of Education.
While Marin is making strides, both Connors and Balestreri emphasize that an important element to preventing suicide is removing the stigma. Talking, getting involved and learning about the county’s resources will reduce the risk.
“For survivors of suicide loss, it’s important not to hold yourself responsible for things that you didn’t say or do based on what you learn,” Balestreri said.
No shame, no guilt, no stigma.
“Suicide can be prevented,” Connors said. “We can treat suicide as a health issue, create a caring culture and make it OK to ask for help. If we don’t make it OK to talk about, then how do we honor our loved ones?”
If you are worried about yourself or someone you know, there is help. Contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by texting or calling 988. Chat available at 988lifeline.org.
